Sister Karma
by AbbyPratt
Summary: Bella Swan is a rebellious teenager who can't seem to do anything right. Edward Cullen is a sweet country boy who can't seem to do anything wrong. Two worlds collide when Bella makes the biggest mistake of her life and is sent away to a youth rehabilitation center located at the Cullen farm.
1. The Mistake

**##!7/30/18! Okay, so I hit some major block with this story. My bad. It was not my intention to leave it there, unfinished. I don't like how it has turned out and am currently rewriting it right now. I will not be posting the new version until it is complete so that I can be sure it doesn't remain a WiP. I'm sorry for the people who enjoyed this story, I hate to disappoint. I will update this when the new version is ready**.

 ** **I hope you all give it a chance.****

 ** **Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and she is brilliant.****

 ** **Chapter 1: The Mistake****

"Don't even start with me tonight, Charles," my mother warned as she and my father entered the kitchen where I sat at the table eating my dinner of canned ravioli.

 _ _Oh, great.__ I rolled my eyes. The parentals were on one again.

"I wasn't the one making a fool of myself, Renee," my father seethed following close behind her, his meaty hands balled into fists.

My mom turned on him so fast, he bumped right into her and she pushed him back. Hard. "You think if I speak to another man that I'm trying to screw him! I am so sick of being under your damn scrutiny. You're the one who embarrassed us this time, Charles. Don't even try to pin this one on me."

Same old fight. Mom's a whore, dad's insecure, mom's drunk and yelling, dad's fingers are twitching for his gun at his belt. __Blah, blah, blah.__

I tuned them out and focused on my dinner. I was so not in the mood to deal with those lunatics. I had my own stuff going on. Like, __where the hell the party at tonight?__ I needed to get drunk, get crunk, and make some bad life choices. And I needed to do it asap.

I dumped the rest of my food into the trash, along with the can I was eating it out of. I think the fork as well... but, whatever. There was like twelve more where it came from.

I locked myself in my room, my parents voices muffled by my door, and grabbed my phone off the charger. I had 3 missed calls and 12 texts. I scrolled through the texts one by one and they all said pretty much the same thing.

 ** **Party at the high school. 1Am****

I knew we were just asking for trouble with this one. And I'd be damned if I couldn't resist the powerful temptation of that. I wouldn't say that I got off on getting in trouble, being rebellious, pissing my parents off, getting arrested...

 _ _Shit, I cannot tell a lie. Yeah. I really do.__

I'm a sick puppy. I mean, what else are we teenagers supposed to do in this boring ass town? Attend the football games we always lose? Tell lame ghost stories and eat s'mores? Help old lady Cope cross the street? No! We need to live a little. Spread our wings and soar... or whatever. Basically, we needed to release some pent up energy by of party.

I checked the time. Less than two hours til kickoff. Never one to be late to a party, I grabbed a quick shower, put on my Friday night best – jeans, sneakers, and a hoodie – and then dialed my favorite person on the planet.

"Hey, Bella," my best friend whispered. She had to be quiet. She had a strict bed time and lots of rules that I never quite understood, but loved to help her break.

"Angela! 1Am, high school, party, booze, boys, and bad decisions. Please say you're in."

There was a long pause on her side and I knew she was deliberating if she would go or not. Angela comes from a very religious, very strict, very boring PG-13 household. Her father, a Lutheran minister and her mother, a Susie-homemaker, run a tight ship. It took me a really long time to break through Angela's walls and get her to cut loose. And boy, can that girl cut loose. Her parents couldn't stand me.

I sat at my desk and doodled on my notebook while I waited for her to give in. She always gave in. Not that she was a pushover or a doormat, but deep down, the girl loved to have some misguided fun. And I was more than happy to be her captain, steering her in the wrong direction.

After about a good 3 minutes, she finally let out a long sigh and I grinned.

It was on.

.

"This is such a bad idea, Bella," Angela whispered again as we made our way through the sleepy town, cutting through yards and jumping fences til we reached our destination.

"I know," I shrugged, "but we're almost there so no point turning back now." I grabbed her by the hand and pretty much had to drag her the rest of the way.

We were about four yards from the school and I could already hear the music pumping from Tyler's van. He had a sick sound system. If that bass drops, we're all gonna drop. I could see lights, hear laughing, and finally a cluster of Forks finest future criminals. According to my chief of police father, that is.

"Hey, Bells!" Mike, my kinda not boyfriend bounded up to us with beers in his hands, his blond locks falling over his pale blue eyes. "Angela," he added sweetly, handing us each a cup. Everyone knew to be nice to my bestie. She wasn't really apart of the 'in' crowd. I think that's why I liked her so much.

Yeah, I loved to party, have fun and bring her along with me. But she was also the only person I could talk to. Like, really talk to. Have an actual two-way conversation with. And she made me feel better about... well, she made me feel better. I loved that girl.

Angela took the beer and muttered a shy "Thank you."

The party was in full force, not exactly a rager, but definitely skimming the lines of a backwoods bash. However, I was getting kinda bored. We had been there for almost two hours, five beers, three shots, and half a joint, and I was so. Damn. Bored. I didn't get why this party just wasn't doing it for me. I was itching for something more.

 _ _Something needs to happen before I actually leave a party early for once.__

I scanned the area. Party was in full bloom, music loud, people high, dancing, grinding, yelling, singing, fighting, being idiots... yet the cops did not show. Maybe that was it. I needed more risk for my rush. The school was a good distance from any respectable residence.

Our noise fell on deaf ears. That just would not do.

After dodging Mike's relentless sexual advances, verging on assault, an idea hit me right in the face and I swung back with all my might. I walked up to Mike and wrapped my arms around his waist. He was more than eager to reciprocate. I slid my hands down his sides and felt for his front hoodie pocket, sticking my hands in on both sides. My fingers came into contact with cold, jagged metal.

His car keys were almost too easy to steal. I was actually bummed it didn't require more effort. I was becoming too good of a pick-pocket.

He had a nice ride. Not quite sure what it was, nor did I care to know. All I knew was it was shiny and fast. Mike often bragged about how fast his car could go and I was going to find out for myself. No one likes a bragger anyway.

I found Angela leaning against the side of the school with Tyler Crowley nearly passed out next to her. She had a half empty forty in her hand. "Bella, my friend," she slurred and giggled pushing her upper body off the brick wall, only falling back twice. "What's happ... up in here?"

"Uh, yeah. Whatever you say, boozie," I snickered and grabbed her hand, pulling her through the crowd with me. Her usually graceful poise a thing of the past as she stomped and stumbled her way through the throng of people.

"Who... I mean... where are they going?" Angela mumbled, her head lolling back and hanging over my shoulder as I tried to push her into the passenger seat. She was dead weight.

" _ _We__ are going for a ride, my friend," I grunted. Finally I had her in and closed the door. I looked around and noticed Mike barreling his way through the crowd toward us. He did not look amused.

 _ _Shit.__

Running as quickly as my short legs could manage, I made it around the front of the car and squealed as I jumped into the driver side, just as Mike reached us. I pressed on the button on the key chain, locking him out.

"Sorry, Mike!" I shouted through the closed window and locking my seat belt in place around me. "Beer run!"

His palms slapped at the glass ferociously, his face a mixture of pissed off he-man and drunken bemusement. "Bella, this is so not fucking cool, dammit! Get out of my ride," he moaned, jerking the handle with a force that shook the car.

I got some kind of demented and sick enjoyment from the incredulous look on his face when I sped past him and out of the school parking lot, laughing loudly and cranking up the radio. I wasn't sure what was playing but it was loud, fast paced and made me feel good. I glanced at Angela, noticing her struggle with her seat belt. It was kind of hard to do one handed... and drunk. And she seemed dead set on cradling that forty to her chest like a new born baby.

We were speeding down the back roads, trees nothing but a blur and I was breaking 80 miles and still gaining velocity, my body almost suctioning to the leather seat with the quick increase in speed. It was dark out. Really dark. I played around with all the buttons and levers near the steering wheel, searching for the high beams.

 _ _Is this a fucking spaceship?__

"I can't work this darn thing," Angela griped, obviously getting very frustrated with the seat belt. I almost couldn't hear her over the steady beat of the music surrounding us.

Without looking at her, I grabbed the beer from her hand, ignoring her protests. "Now try."

The speedometer read just over __90 miles__ and I knew we were coming to a sharp turn soon. I eased my foot off the gas and peered over at my best friend, no longer struggling with her seat belt. In fact, she seemed to completely abandon that task. Her red rimmed eyes distant but searching.

"Ange, put your seat belt on," I reminded her. Safety first, you know.

"Where's... I think I lost my beer," she mumbled, looking around.

"I have it, now put your seat belt on, ya goof," I giggled, reaching over to her and trying to lock it in place myself.

"Oh, wait!" She slapped my hands away and giggled. "It's outside."

Angela made a grab for the passenger side door. The wind whistled in and Angela's body lunged to the side, trying to climb out of a moving vehicle going well over the 30 mile speed limit.

"Jesus Christ!" I screamed, grabbing her by the hood of her sweater and pulling her back in. She yelled and fought me but finally, I had her back in the car and the door securely shut.

"Are you craz- FUCK!" I looked back to the road in time to see trees right in front of us. We had made it to the turn. The car lurched forward and down the large dip where the forest met the road. There was no time for me to stop it.

There was no time.

Angela screamed. I was dead silent at this point, not sure what to do my stomach flew into my throat then fell back down when the wheels hit the forest floor. I tried to avoid the trees, but there was one at every turn. I tried to slow the car down but my foot kept kitting the gas. It was stuck. I was stuck. Nothing was holding me there but the fear in my soul.

 _ _We're going to fucking die.__

I couldn't move. I could see Angela out of the corner of my eye flying around the car. I heard her head hit the side window, felt her body ram into mine and then back again.

Over and over again. She was being thrown around like a ragdoll and I was helpless to stop it. We were skimming trees, barely missing them. I was sure the side view mirrors were taken off but I was too scared to look. The car suddenly shifted and gained momentum. We were going down a hill.

 _ _Take your fucking foot off the gas!__

Finally I forced my led foot off the gas petal, but it was too late. A large oak was illuminated by the high beams ahead of us. We were going to hit it.

 _ _We are going to die.__

.

 _ _Beep.__

 _ _Beep.__

 _ _Beep.__

I knew that sound. But I didn't know why I was hearing it. Sure, I had woken up in the hospital many times before. Accidental overdose – sometimes not so accidental – stomach pumped from alcohol, or even the standard, 'clumsy Bella fell down the stairs again'.

But I usually remembered why I was here. The hospital. Hearing my heart beat over the monitor.

I groaned. "Fucking shit." MY mouth tasted awful and my voice was hoarse. My head was throbbing. My body felt like a giant bruise.

 _ _Did I fall down the stairs again?__

"Bella?"

I turned my head to the sound of another voice, my neck kinking from the movement. There was something around my neck. The voice sounded familiar but I couldn't place it. I attempted to pry my heavy lids open, but to no avail. They were stuck together like glue was holding them.

"Bella, are you with us?"

"Hmmm," was all I could muster. I tried to reach my hand up to my face, maybe lift my lids open with the help of my fingers, but my left arm was being held back by something and I felt a sharp pain in my hand when I tried to move it.

 _ _An IV?__

I tried my other arm, this one, while aching something fierce, actually made it to my face and I rubbed at my eyes until they opened, bleary vision and water colored, but I could see.

A tall woman with pitch black hair tied into a bun and pale pink scrubs stood over me.

"Nurse Wendy?"

She loved me. Thought I had spunk or whatever. She was always there when I was wheeled into the hospital. She didn't agree with a lot of my life choices, but she never judged me. She would give me stern talking-to's and disappointed glares, but other than that, I was her favorite patient.

"Glad to see me again?" I tried to joke, but my voice came out scratchy and dull. I cleared my throat.

Wendy sighed and I felt her hand touch the top of my head. "I'm going to inform Dr. Moore than you're awake now."

She didn't even look at me when she left.

 _ _Okay... that's odd.__

Dr. Moore came in and checked my vitals and asked if this or that hurt, to which I replied with a big ol' painful _**_**yes!**_**_ He asked me questions about the date, how many fingers, my birthday, and standard things of the such. He completely ignored __my__ questions however.

 _ _Like, "what happened?" is such a hard question to fucking answer?__

Apparently it was. Both he and nurse Wendy ignored my one simple question. All they would say was that I was in an accident. But the way they said it made it seem like maybe it wasn't an accident at all.

All they would tell me was I had a mild concussion and a sprained wrist.

I had been sitting alone in my hospital room for probably an hour or so, I wasn't sure. I couldn't really see the clock through my blurred vision. No one had come to check on me. My last dose of pain killers were over an hour ago. But the fog in my brain was starting to lift. Finally. The thing around my neck happened to be a neck brace. I tore that off as soon as I could. My neck hurt but it was fine.

I tried to recall the events that led me there but I was having some difficulty. I remembered it was Friday. I left school and went to the square in Port Angeles with Jessica and Lauren to go 'window shopping'. Meaning I may or may not have stolen a few things. It was dark when they dropped me off at home. My parents were out. A gathering of some sort, I think. I got hungry. I went into the kitchen...

My parents... they were fighting when they came home, but that's not unusual.

 _ _What happened?__ I was drawing a blank.

Before I could think on it too much more, the door handle to my room jiggled. I was expecting Dr. Moore or Nurse Wendy. What I wasn't expecting was my mother with a look of murderous rage on her face.

"Isabella Marie Swan, you fucking idiot," she hissed through her teeth, closing the door behind her, her furious eyes never leaving mine.

"Gee, thanks for the concern, Mommy Dearest."

 _ _What the hell is her problem?__

"Oh, you bet your ass I'm concerned. About me!" She jabbed her finger at herself. I rolled my eyes. Classic Renee. Everything is about her.

"Look, mom," I start but she cuts me off, storming to my side and slapping me upside the head with unbridled strength.

"What the fuck? I have a concussion!" I couldn't believe she would do that. She was a craptastic mom, for sure, but she never hit me before. And I was suddenly wishing I had left that neck brace on.

She took a step back and clasped her hands behind her, as if the impulse to hit me was too strong for her to fight. I scooted back on the hospital bed in case she lost the fight with her composure. My head was fucking __throbbing__.

"You've really done it this time. You have finally proven to be the disappointment I always expected you to be. Well done, dipshit!" She claps her hands together, a sarcastic smile spreading across her face, her eyes, however, shone with the fiery pits of hell.

Of all the times I had 'disappointed' my parents, embarrassed them, cost them money and connections, I had never seen her like this.

 _ _What the actual fuck did I do?__ I was actually starting to worry.

"I... mom, I really don't remember what happened."

"Oh, yeah. Okay," she laughed, "you're going to play that amnesia card again?"

Okay, so I may have done that once or twice... or six times. I guess I was kind of the boy who cried wolf. The girl who claimed brain damage.

"I'm serious," I muttered looking down at my hands. I was fading under her intense scrutiny. I knew my parents hated me – mostly my mother – but she usually kept up pretenses in a public place.

This was different. I was trying to search my brain for what I could have possibly done that was so awful to entice such a reaction from not only my mother, but the hospital staff as well.

 _ _Friday.__

 _ _School let out.__

 _ _Port Angeles.__

 _ _Home. No parents. Ravioli. Parents come home. Fight...__

Again, I was drawing a blank. I felt like there was something there, something I knew, but it was like my brain was closing the door on my memory every time it came into reach. Okay. I could play connect the dots. Well, it was Friday night. I go out on Fridays... I mean, I went out pretty much all the time, but Fridays were a total given. And obviously, I must have gone and gotten myself into some kind of trouble. I was sitting on a hospital bed with my mother fuming over me for Christs sake.

Okay... I went out. Probably a party.

 _ _Gah! Dammit, why can't I remember?__

I dropped my aching head into my hands. "Just tell me what I did and give me my punishment, okay?" I couldn't deal with any more. I was tired and hurting and I just wanted to nap while I could. As soon as I got home my mom would be on my case. Ain't no rest for the wicked.

To my surprise, my mother fell silent. Deadly. I couldn't even hear her heavy breaths anymore. I peaked up at her through my fingers. She was staring at me. Her cold brown eyes giving nothing away. The hard line of her mouth so tense that her full lips nearly disappeared.

A sense of foreboding filled the room, coating its contents like a thick fog.

Finally she leaned it closer to me and spoke, her voice barely above a whisper, "You made a mistake."


	2. The Aftermath

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and she is brilliant.**

 **A/n: BoMark, Kentucky is just a place I made up so I could do whatever I wanted with the town. Kentucky is real. BoMark is not.**

 **A/n 2: I'm posting the next chapter in less than 24 hours because it's already finished and edited and I see no point in waiting.**

* * *

 **Chapter 2. The Aftermath**

Three weeks. So much can happen in three weeks. So much can change.

Jail, bond, court, unfair proceedings, friends becoming enemies, junior year ending, summer starting, restraining orders, a criminal getting a slap on the fucking wrist due to her fathers connections and her mothers money.

 _I'm a piece of shit._

One thing, though, has not changed. Not since that fateful day where I, Isabella Swan – fuck up of the century – destroyed everything. Me, this tiny, minuscule, unimportant, belligerent, ignorant piece of shit had such a monuments impact on not only my life, but to the most important thing in it. The best thing... the best person.

 _Angela._

"I fucked up," I breathed, holding her lifeless hand tighter in my own. "I fucked it all up. So bad."

I looked down at my best friend. She looked like she was sleeping. Just peacefully sleeping and if I nudged her, she would wake up. But, she wasn't going to wake up. And even if she did, it's not like I would be able to see her ever again. Talk to her. Hug her. Beg for her forgiveness.

I wasn't even supposed to see her now. Her parents didn't want me anywhere near her, not that I blamed them. At all. They made their point perfectly clear with that restraining order. They were pissed off. And who the hell could blame them?

The girl who put their one and only daughter in a coma, getting out of being charged as an adult and pretty much skipping merrily away without having to pay any real price. Unless of course you count the price my parents had to pay with both money and favors. Which, they didn't count that. I didn't even get in trouble for wrecking Mike's car. My dad bought him a new and better one.

They were silenced.

Angela's parents refused to be. They lost so much more than a car. A material possession. They lost their world because of me and they refused to be silenced.

I sat down next Angela on the edge of the hospital cot. It wasn't so uncomfortable, but I wished they would give her more padding. She had a lot of broken bones, fractures, bruises. Her beautiful face was barely recognizable, covered in purple – almost black – marks, scratches and her pretty blue eyes were swollen shut. One more than the other due to her glasses shattering inward.

 _I'm a piece of shit._

If only I had made sure that her seat belt was on before we took off. No! Dammit. If only I wasn't such a gigantic piece of fucking manure and hadn't stolen that car and taken it for a drunken 3am joy ride in the first place, then Angela wouldn't be in this mess. She would be getting ready for her summer job at the library, tucking her long brown hair into a tight bun, shelving books and texting her crappy friend who would be sitting at home in the middle of the day on the couch eating a big bowl of coco puffs and watching cartoons.

But because of my selfish actions, my self-proclaimed teenage rebellion, she is in critical condition. A damn coma that she may or may not come out of. So far it was looking to be the latter. And even if she did wake up, there was a chance that she may not be _her_ anymore. The brain damage was too extensive. And here I am, literally breaking the law. Again. She probably wouldn't even want me near her, but I had to say goodbye.

I was that selfish.

"So... they are sending me to BoMark today. It's in Kentucky." I shook my head, avoiding looking at her face. She was so hard to look at more than once. Once was enough.

"I know. I've never heard of it either. I guess it's just this little farming town. They have this family owned farm that takes in troubled youth and tries to turn their lives around. Make them functioning human beings, or whatever. Anyway, for my ' _punishment_ '," I spat the word because the only justified punishment I should have gotten was prison for the rest of my miserable life,

"I'm being sent there. I wont be coming back until the family that owns the place decide they have churned out a decent person with a bright future ahead of her." I laughed despite myself. "I'll be there until I'm 90. God knows there's no saving this soul."

I brought Angela's limp arm up to my chest, just holding her there. This beautiful soul who had accepted me and loved me for who I was. Never once considering the monster inside of me and the heinous things I was capable of. Her blind love and unquestioning devotion is what landed her here. I wished she could have seen me for who I was before this happened. It would have been her saving grace. Or, of course, I could stop trying to shift blame and accept the fact that this kind soul trusted me and _I_ was the one who should have left _her_ alone.

Hindsight is 20/20.

I glanced over at the clock on the wall. _4:32am_. I had to be at the airport in less than an hour. I was already packed and ready to go, courtesy of my mother. She ransacked my room, throwing odds and ends in my suitcase. I added a few books when she was done. I swear, she couldn't get rid of me fast enough. I'd cost her too much. My father was very blasé about the entire thing. He barely said two words to me since the accident. Not that he was much of a talker before that. He threw himself into his work and avoided me at all times.

 _I'm a piece of shit._

I sighed and brought Angela's hand up to my face, kissing the palm of her hand before setting it back on the bed. I could feel the tears stinging at the corners of my eyes. I had cried. A lot. But I wouldn't do it here. Not in this room. Not in front of her. She didn't need my sorrow. She needed a miracle. I was the mistake. And the best thing I could do for her is leave her alone and hope against hope that she wakes up from this and lives the life she deserves.

 _Without me._

I cast my face upward to the ceiling, willing my tears to flood back behind my eyes. I stood from the cot and without another look back, I sneaked out down the dim-lit hallway, past the empty nurses station, and right on by the sleeping security guard, and walked back home to await my new life.

.

The flight to Kentucky took only four hours time. It may as well have been 5 minutes. I wasn't ready. I was nervous. Anxious. Nauseous. I couldn't do it. Just as I was starting to think that it was unfair, I remembered exactly why I was being flown off to another state to live with strangers on a farm and work myself to the bone.

 _I am a piece of shit._

I felt the need to constantly remind myself of that fact just in case I lost sight of why this was happening to me. I did it to myself. And I would take the consequences. They were nothing compared to what should have happened to me, so I guess I should have been grateful. Not happy, because I knew I deserved much worse. Angela got the worst of it. How is that even karmically fair?

 _God. I hate myself._

The airport dropped off in Louisville. It was a lot more lively than I thought. I had always heard that Kentucky was backwoods, farming, and livestock. Louisville seemed to be anything but. However, that was not where I was staying.

As soon as I stepped off the plane and into the airport I was flanked by two bulky men. I was told that I would be escorted to BoMark right up until I made it to the farm. But this seemed excessive. They never left my side. One of them even sat in the backseat of the car with me. As if I would open the door and tumbled out to my death. _Actually... no._

They didn't speak. They didn't play music. I couldn't even tell if they were breathing most of the time.

They were no nonsense. Lucky for them, and myself, I wasn't really in the mood to dole out any of my usual fuckery. The drive to BoMark took all of thirty-five minutes, and I swear that town ended as soon as it started. We passed through and seen one gas station, one neighborhood, one market, and the rest of the town was a large farming area. Lots of green pastures, some cows, horses, a pond, barn... you know, your basic farm situation.

I honestly didn't know a damn thing about farms. I just hoped they didn't want me to slaughter any little piggies. I was too fond of Wilbur and Babe. I'd probably turn the gun on the people trying to force me to kill them first. Worst case scenario, of course.

We drove up a long and winding dirt road surrounded by land and gates holding some of the most beautiful horses I had ever seen, there was a man in there with it. It looked like he was talking to it from this distance. Also, there were some cows who were giving me the glaring equivalent of the middle finger. It wasn't until about a mile up that this large but quaint home came into view. It was all warm wooden paneling, dusted red shingles, and look, the door had a wreath.

Very... homey. Very different.

Felix, one of the men who escorted me from the airport led me by my arm up to the front door. I rolled my eyes, but let him lead me with no fuss. Did they really think I was going to make a run for it now? I wouldn't even know where to run to. And if I did decide to play my luck and take off, it would take three hours to find my way off this damn farm.

Felix rapped his knuckled on the door three times then took a step back, hands folded behind him, back straight, and face forward. All statuesque stoicism, looking like a giant immovable boulder.

I wouldn't want to mess with him even if I were in the fuckery mood.

"Hello?" a feminine voice called from behind us. We both turned to see a tall brunette approaching us. She was beautiful. Curvy and slightly muscled, her light brown hair pulled into a messy bun atop her head, and a gorgeous, kind smile spread across her face.

She seemed welcoming. I didn't trust it.

"I'm Esme." She held out her hand to Felix and he shook it brusquely. They exchanged pleasantries... well, she did. He answered her pleasantries with curt nods of his head and no more than three worded replies. After Felix and the other meathead left, Esme turned to me, her smile still welcoming, and took my hand gently in hers.

"Hello, Miss Isabella. I am sure you're nervous about being here and I want to assure you that this is not a cruel place. You're not in prison. We just want to help you become the best that you can be and we require that you put in the effort as well. As long as you can do that, we shouldn't have any problems at all."

"Umm..." I pull my hand from hers as politely as possible and try to smile back at her, but I could feel the shakiness of it. "Yeah. N-no problem. I am... uh... I am here to be... better and stuff, I guess."

Real nice. Real eloquent. Real fucking Bella. I rolled my eyes internally. I was never really good at first impressions. I never actually had to make many of them. Everyone I knew, I grew up with. Everyone else, I just kind of pissed off or ignored them completely.

"Wonderful, dear." She was still smiling.

 _Why was she smiling at me?_ I really didn't trust it.

"Now, it's still early in the day, but I've already finished most of the morning chores and need to be starting lunch soon." She put her hand on my arm gestured for me to follow her up the porch steps and into the house.

The front door led straight into the living room. And through a rounded arch doorway you could see straight into the kitchen area which was also the dining area it seemed. It was... nice? I guess. Different. Everything was made of dark wood; from the walls to the floors, from the counters to the cabinets. The furniture was actually pretty modern, but also unlike anything I had seen before. The stitching and design looked self-made, yet flawless. They even had a fireplace nestled in the corner of the room. No TV, though... I don't think I'd ever seen a home without a TV. That concerned me.

Esme walked me through the living room and to a door in the back. "This is the guest bedroom," she said and pushed it open.

It was small, kind of closet like and I briefly wondered if she was pulling a _Harry Potter_ move. It was big enough, though. It fit a small dresser, a twin bed and a nightstand that had a lamp and an alarm clock on it. The bed had a puffy white blanket and four beige pillows. It looked surprisingly comfortable.

"We used to have a separate living area, kind of a cottage, that we housed our guests in but it burned down," she explained leading me further into the tiny area. "We've been rebuilding it, but it will still be some time before it is livable."

"This is... great." I set my one suitcase down next to the dresser and turned back to the too-friendly-in-my-opinion woman.

"You can put your clothes in the dresser. There's more work suitable options in there as well, in case you need them. I hope they fit you well enough. It can get really hot here in the summer and we tend to get kinda dirty here on the farm."

I start to unpack, but Esme stops me. "I would first like to go over some rules with you, Isabella. If you don't mind."

"Oh, sure. Yeah. Love rules." I try to hide the grimace I could feel creeping onto my face. I sure did love rules. I loved making them and I loved breaking them. I was sort of bad at following them... obviously.

We sat on the bed, Esme all casual and proper and me all awkward and picking at my nails and attempting to avoid eye contact. The woman seemed perceptive. She could probably see right through me. Right down to the demon. They eyes are the window to the soul and my soul was undoubtedly black as coal.

"The first and most important rule here is respect," she started, her smile never wavering but her eyes became stern as they stared into mine. Apparently avoiding eye contact was going to be difficult.

"You must respect my family and I and the home we've built. You will come to know that my husband and I are very forgiving people and we give everyone a chance to prove themselves. But we do not take too kindly to anyone, not even our own children, showing disrespect to us, or our farm, or strangers, and not even to themselves. Your time here will go very smoothly as long as you remember that."

I didn't know what to say. I mean, I could understand it, of course. But the whole respect thing was just kind of lost on me. It was like I was programmed to do exactly the opposite of what I was supposed to do. Even in Kindergarten when we made macaroni art, Miss Tia told us to glue the hard noodle onto the construction paper. Simple, right? So what did little Bella do? I glued about six of them to back of Lauren Mallory's head. I got in so much trouble that my mother had to come pick me up and she yelled at me for a good hour before sending me off to my room. And thus started the viscous cycle that lead me here.

Bella is no good.

But I wanted to fix that.

I really hoped that I could though the realist in me knew that people don't change. We are who we are. Some people are born to be good and to do good things and the rest of were born to keep the cosmic cycle in balance. Some of us had to be bad.

Esme took my silence as acceptance and went on with her list of rules and what will be expected of me. Some were easy, some were terrifying and some were just fucking impossible.

 _Be in bed by eight o'clock._ Kind of hard, but okay.

 _Wake up when the alarm goes off at five o'clock._ That's psychotic.

 _Be showered, dressed, and sitting at the kitchen table for breakfast by no later than 5:45._ Only forty-five minutes to shower and get dressed? It takes me at least that long in the shower. And that's just washing my hair.

 _Help clean up._ Okay. I can so do that.

 _Work from six o'clock until 11:45._ Jesus Christ.

 _Wash up – not in a shower – and be sitting at the table for lunch by twelve o'clock._ Wash up for lunch? Strange. But I can do it.

This next one is the real kicker. _Take a shower and the go to... therapy._

Fucking therapy.

My parents tried that with me when I turned fourteen because of my complete lack of motivation and initiative, and also the anger outbursts. It didn't go well. It actually didn't go at all. My mother pulled me from it after only three sessions which were spent with me mocking the nice doctor and knocking her tissue box over and turning her degrees upside down. There was also an incident reminiscent of The Exorcist, but I was just fucking with her. I didn't _mean_ to make her cry.

Anyway, I would be back here around three o'clock and then the day continues.

 _Family time until five o'clock._ I had no idea what 'family time' was or what it consisted of but just the thought of it made my skin crawl. Because, one: these people aren't my family, and two: what is the point? Like... what do you do? Play yahtzee and talk about our day?

I didn't get it. And I didn't want it. But I would be on my best behavior. Which is totally up in the air. I'm not exactly sure what my best behavior is. I've never really used it. I'm going to try. That's the best I could do.

And then after that the rest of the night – or until my eight o'clock bedtime – we are allowed to do whatever we want. Within reason. Esme couldn't have stressed that part enough.

All I could say to her was, "Sounds good. Can't wait to start." A lie.

I was left to unpack and absorb everything while Esme went to fix lunch. I would be meeting the rest of the Cullen clan soon and I was not thrilled. But I changed out of my travel clothes and into some skinny jeans and a blue tee and plastered a fake smile on my face. I just sat on the bed, practicing said smile while I awaited Esme's call.

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 **A/n: I hope you're all enjoying this so far. It wont be long before the next chapter is out. I'm already editing it. Put this story on alert if you want to see what comes next as soon as possible. And a review giving me your honest opinion would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading.**


	3. The Prayer

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and she is brilliant.**

* * *

 **Chapter 3 – The Prayer**

I sat at a large rectangular table settled close to the backdoor in the kitchen. There were eight seats and I was of course seated somewhere in the middle. I just where Esme told me to. No one else was there yet, except for Esme of course. She sat at one end of the table, the other I presumed was reserved for her husband.

The table was set with beautiful pristine white plates with a blue and gold floral design around the edges and matching cups filled with water. In the middle of the table was a stack of white bread slices, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, black and green olives, carrots and an assortment of condiments.

Everything was so put together. The simplicity of the lunch was balanced out by the care put into it. Usually, if I was not at school, my lunch consisted of a burger and fries from the old diner back in Forks. And then the same thing for dinner. Or something canned or bagged.

The backdoor swung open, pulling me from my lackluster memories of old meals, and efficiently scaring the ever living crap out of me.

"Hello, family!" A giant man – probably even bigger than that Felix – bounded through the door. He wore a broad smile that showed off his adorable dimples and his light green eyes were warm and friendly when he looked over at me. "This must be Isabella," he grinned, then dipped down next to Esme to place a kiss on her cheek.

"Yes, it is," Esme laughed. "But tone it down, Emmett, you don't want to frighten the girl."

"Oh," he whispered, his face contrite, but still beaming. He walked around the table, actually it was more of a skip, to my side and sat down next to me. He turned his body toward me with a kind smile, much like Esme's and he held out his hand.

"Pleased to meet you, Isabella. I'm Emmett Cullen, the eldest and coolest, handsomest child of my mother and father. You can ask literally anyone."

"Emmett," Esme admonished, hiding her smile behind her hand.

"Hi," I finally said taking his hand. His hands were huge. They enveloped mine to their entirety. He gave me a firm but gentle shake and let me go – thank god. If not for the sweet smile and comforting look in his eyes, I'd be peeing myself from the sheer magnitude of this man.

"Mom, I'm home!" A young girl walked into the kitchen. She was small, like, really small. She couldn't have been over five feet and that was being generous. Her hair was dark and pulled back into a long ponytail that fell to the top of her back. She was practically floating around as if gravity meant nothing, her energy and enthusiasm rivaled Emmett's. She went straight for Esme, giving her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

That was really starting to freak me out. Did Esme brainwash her children into being so Cleaver? Because they reminded me of every black and white TV show from the fifties and early sixties. You know, when kids respected their parents. That was just not normal these days. Not for me anyway. If I even went near my mom, she would leave the room and pour herself a drink.

Worlds apart, for sure.

"Alice, this is Isabella. She's our guest. Be polite and say hello."

"Oh..." she turned to me sheepishly, her bubbly persona all but forgotten. Her eyes cast downward. "Hello, Isabella. I'm Alice. It's very nice to meet you," she said in a small voice, tugging at the hem of her plaid shirt.

Either she didn't like me already – which would be smart on her part – or she was deceptively shy. It was a toss up between the two.

Alice went to the other side of the table and took a seat right next to Esme, even scooting her chair closer to her mother. Again, I am reminded of the colossal differences between my life and this new world I had entered.

Esme, Alice, and Emmett made small talk while we awaited the arrival of Esme's husband, Carlisle and their other son Edward. They tried to pull me in to the conversation, but I wasn't really in the mood to participate openly. I was polite, though. Answering when asked a question and nodding my head in the right places of a story. But mostly, I just listened.

I learned that Emmett is home for the summer from college. He flew in a few days ago from Arizona, where he met his girlfriend Rosalie who will be coming to meet the family before summer ends. They intend to fly back together.

I also learned that Alice is fifteen, a cheerleader, and class president. She's also on the debate team and a straight A student. Esme sure loved to gush about her blushing daughter. My mother usually told people I was 'a pretty good student' and 'kept my room halfway clean'.

"Uh oh," Emmett laughed. "Five minutes til twelve and still no sign of dad or Edward." He turned to Esme. "What are you going to do to them, mom? And can I watch?"

Esme rolled her eyes and checked the slim watch on her wrist. "Stop it, Emmett. They will be here." I could have sworn I heard her mumble something about cow manure if they were late.

It was 11:59 when the front door finally opened and two men hastily walked in. The older one gave his annoyed wife a chaste kiss and then took his place at the other head of the table. I would love to describe him, but I couldn't. Because... well... I was having trouble breathing let alone concentrating.

The most beautiful boy I had ever seen walked was standing just inches from me and yes I mean beautiful with a emphasis on 'ful'. Full pale pink lips, full head of messy reddish brown – I don't even think there's an actual color for it – hair, tight t-shirt full of lean muscle, tight pants full of...

Was I panting? Out loud? I looked around the table.

 _Everyone is staring at me. Why is everyone staring at me?_

"Are you alright?" the beautiful boy asked and I swear it was the most heavenly sound I had ever heard in my entire life and I don't think I was being dramatic. I would bet my last nickle it was the most heavenly sound _anyone_ had ever heard. It was smooth, soft, but held an edge of roughness, like he just woke up. That would explain the hair...

Oh... everyone is still staring. He asked me a question. I needed to answer it. "I'm fine. Are you alright?"

 _Did I really just say that?_ I resisted the urge to smack myself across the face. I was an idiot.

The boy who I was assuming was the aforementioned Edward smiled and it was breathtaking. It was bright, white pearls wrapped in soft pink and lifted up at the right corner.

"Yes, I'm well," he chuckled. _Oh, god..._ "I was just asking because I was trying to introduce myself and you seemed to be in a daze."

 _You can say that again, beautiful._

"I'm just... jet lagged." From a four flight that led me to a place just an hour behind in the timezone, but whatever.

"I'm Edward." He held his hand out to me.

 _Oh. My. God. Does he want me to touch him? Like, skin to skin? I might pass out._

I reigned myself back in and lifted my hand to his.

 _Jesus, Mary, and Joseph._ His hands were firm... but soft.

"I'm Bella," I finally managed to squeak out. Edward gave me a strange look and dropped my hand and went to take the seat just across from me.

 _I'm not going to be able to eat with him right there._

 _I need to get a grip._

 _I need to get a grip on him._

 _Dammit._

"Bella?" Esme called out. "You should have told me you preferred that name over Isabella."

"Oh, I-I didn't want to be rude." Though the truth was I hadn't really thought about it until I was looking into those dark green eyes of that tall tanned Adonis. He needed to know the name I preferred so he could scream it... _gotta stop._

Esme laughed quietly. "It isn't rude to correct someone on the name you prefer to be called by, Miss Bella."

"Unless that name is Princess Consuela Banana Hammock," Emmett countered with a snort. He looked around at the blank stares of the people around him. "Rosie has got me watching _Friends._ Phoebe is life."

His face was so serious about that last part that I had to try to hold in my laugh. It didn't work. And soon the whole table joined in with me. Thankfully.

"Arizona has changed you, son," Carlisle laughed, wiping a tear from his eye when the laughter died down. "Now, let's eat before starve to death."

Lunch was quiet for the most part, little chit chat here and there but everyone seemed to be engrossed in their meal. I, however, was engrossed with the boy in front of me. Even when he ate, he looked good. Better than good. Better than best.

 _God, he's pretty. In a manly way. He's just so damn pretty._

Lunch passed without incident and everyone went their separate ways. Including Edward. I tried not to whimper when he walked out the back door with his brother and father. Esme left to do some 'afternoon' chores, whatever that is and left me with Alice to clean up.

Alice still wouldn't look at me even when she asked if I wanted to dry the dishes after she washes them.

"Do you not like me?" I blurted out, getting frustrated after a few minutes of awkward silence. Not that I didn't mind if people didn't like me. A lot of people didn't like me. I just preferred to know who didn't. And why.

Alice looked at me, her hands stilling on the plate she had been rinsing. Her green eyes widened and her cheeks pinked. "No... I mean, I don't know you... that is, I don't know you enough to make a judgment... uh... I don't not like you." She nodded, seemingly pleased with her own answer.

"O...kay?" That didn't really answer my question. At all. But she just looked so 'deer caught in the headlights, I'm about to piss my pants caught on the spot' that I decided to drop it. She seemed like a sweet girl, bubbly even. Just not around me.

I could live with that. _She doesn't not like me._ That's totally fine.

I didn't see Edward for the rest of the night, or really any of the other Cullen's. But most importantly, Edward. Esme told me I had the rest of the day to make myself comfortable with my new living situation and to get rested because the next day was going to be hard. Both physically and mentally. Her words. Not mine.

I could have walked around the house, sat in the living room, out on the porch, gone and taken a tour of the farm. But I chose to stay in the tiny guest bedroom. I only left it to use the bathroom. I had attempted to read one of my books I brought with me, lay on the bed and day dream, stare out the window, but I couldn't do anything but sit on the edge of the bed and think of all the things I screwed up.

Of course, Angela came to mind.

I had tried so hard not to think of her. Not because I didn't want to think of her or because I was hiding from my mistakes, but because I didn't deserve to think of her. But when I think about what I had screwed up, she's the biggest and most important fuck up of my life.

I ruined my best friend. I tainted her with my presence, brought her into my world, helped to put poison in her body and soul. Basically took great joy in corrupting her innocence. She may have been my best friend but I was never hers. I couldn't be. She was the good in this world and I was the bad. Us becoming friends set off the cosmic balance and pissed off the Gods and they were unfairly taking it out on her.

Once again for the people in the back; _I am a piece of shit._

.

I never understood the term 'fitful sleep'. I had always loved sleep. I could close my eyes for one minute and then be sound asleep. Sleep was my thing. When I wasn't running around causing a mess of my life and screwing with everyone around me, I was sleeping. Soundly. I could sleep in class. I could sleep in _gym_ class. All I needed was the bleachers. Hell, even the cold, hard floor was suitable enough. The point being, I loved sleep. Past tense.

After the accident, after I had found out the impact of my selfish actions, sleep did not come easily. Sometimes it didn't come at all. And if I did finally fall into that black hole of slumber, I would have nightmares. I still couldn't fully understand or even remember what had happened that fateful night. But my mind had no problem conjuring up the worst possible scenarios.

Every time was different. Every time was horrible. And every time it tore another little piece of my black soul from my body.

 _Angela._

She was always the main focus. Of course, she was. Sometimes we were in a car, sometimes it was just me and her sitting in my room. It didn't matter where we were or what we were doing, it always ended the same way. With me standing over her lifeless body all bloodied and beaten.

I didn't want to sleep. I guess that's the difference. Sleep came so easily to me before because I wanted it to. Now I was terrified of it. Loathed it.

I spent most of my first night at the Cullen home sitting on the edge of the bed and trying to think of anything other than that night. Push Angela from my mind. But everything seemed to lead back to it. To her. I couldn't escape it. I thought that maybe, perhaps, Sister Karma hadn't forgotten about me after all. Maybe I _was_ getting mine. Finally.

That brought me minimal comfort because it just wasn't enough. It wasn't enough to satisfy Minister and Mrs. Weber. They wanted something physical. Something they could see. They wanted me to pay outwardly, not just on the inside. I could go insane, and that wouldn't be enough to satisfy them. Nothing would ever be enough. I knew that.

I owed them. I owed it to _her_. I would take all that this experience wanted to throw at me. I would work myself to death if I had to. They may not be able to see it, but I would know about it. And if I suffered, then maybe Sister Karma would restore the balance and give Angela back her chance at life.

I threw mine away long ago. I didn't deserve it now.

I laid down on the bed, exhaustion seeping in. It would take me whether I liked it or not. I had nothing to distract me. Sleep would come, nightmares would torture. Then I would awake into my new life and start paying for my sins in the harsh light of day.

I closed my heavy eyes, seeing nothing but Angela's face. Post-accident. And for the first time in my life I said a little prayer aimed at whoever was listening.

 _'God, Sister Karma; whoever is listening right now. Don't make her pay for my sins. It isn't fair. Give me all the bad juju you can and I will take it on without complaint. I will suffer for the rest of my days if you just send her a miracle. Amen... or whatever.'_

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 **A/n: This will be the last update for the week. I'm going to post a new chapter every Sunday. I hope you all liked the Cullen family. There will be more Edward in the next chapter. If you're enjoying the story then please leave me a review. See you all next Sunday!**


	4. The Guest

**A/n: It's not Sunday. My bad. I was so thrilled that people are enjoying this that I hated the thought of making you wait longer than necessary. This chapter is going to be in Edward's point of view. I thought about writing his own point of view in a separate story but then I figured that would just get tedious. Besides, I want to show the Cullen family dynamic from an insiders perspective.**

 **Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and she is brilliant. And I obviously have no rights to the Bible.**

* * *

 **Chapter 4: The Guest**

 **EPOV**

The sunken and decayed ruins of what used to be our guest barn where we housed troubled youth was a dark reminder of a more chaotic time. A bad period in my family's life that I would rather forget. I wanted nothing to do with that part of our lives anymore. But, my mother, had other ideas. She was not ready to give up on the youth of America just yet.

I kicked at one of the ashy boards that used to hold up the barn as my father and brother set about cleaning up the rest of the rubble. I was supposed to be helping, and if my mother knew that I was doing anything but, I would be in a lot of trouble. I just couldn't bring myself to touch it.

Instead I sat down off to the side and let my mind wander back to when my mom called a family meeting just two weeks ago.

"Are you sure, Esme?" My father paced back and forth, worry creasing and aging his face.

"I think it's for the best, dear. This was our dream, remember? Making the world a little bit of a better place anyway we can."

"Of course I remember," he sighed, his face softening and he stopped pacing. "But what happened... it was a wake up call. We are not super heroes. We can't save everyone. Especially those that don't want to be saved."

My mom bristled. "I know we can't save everyone," she argued, "but we can do the best we can to make an impact."

"At what cost?" my father challenged, his eyes glancing over at my little sister. I pulled her closer to me. She was silent through the entire discussion, barely even breathing. I looked down at her and noticed that her eyes were blank and staring off.

"Are you okay?" I whispered, shaking her a little as our parents went on about the pros and cons of reopening the farm to the criminal youth.

Alice blinked and let out a shaky breath. "I... I don't know. This is all... it's a lot to take in."

I looked over at my older brother Emmett. He was leaning casually next to the fire place with his arms and legs crossed. His face was neutral as he watched our parents bicker back and forth. He met my gaze and then looked down at Alice. Sensing her distress, he pushed himself from the wall and held his hands up.

"Can I say something?"

Our parents stopped and looked at him. My mother put her hands on her hips and my father slumped down into his recliner, looking utterly defeated. My mother was a force to be reckoned with when she had her mind set on something.

"Everyone has made valid points," he started, "but instead of making points and discussing right and wrong, I think we should be discussing what this means for our family... as a family."

My mom pursed her lips and looked at each of us one by one, her eyes lingering on Alice. She nodded her head slowly and went to perch on the arm of the chair by my father. "You're right, Emmett," she sighed. "I am sorry. Let's discuss this as a family. You all know where your father and I stand, so who wants to start?"

I jumped at the chance to voice my opinion and hopefully bury this ridiculous idea. I cleared my throat and everyone turned their attention to me.

"I don't think it is a good idea." I gave my mom an apologetic look. I hated to disappoint her. But I had to be honest. "Before the... thing happened, I loved what we did. We helped a lot of people get their lives together. A lot of them left better than when they arrived. They are making their mark on the world in a positive way now and that's great. It really is. But after..." I shook my head. I couldn't even think it let alone say it. But they all knew what I referring to so I trudged on.

"I started to see things differently. I saw that what we were doing wasn't making as big an impact as I thought. We were helping many, yeah, but for every one person who left better, there was always one who left worse off. The people were being sent here against their will and not all of them could see the errors of their ways and the ones who did just didn't care. So, how can we put our family at risk for a stranger who may or may not want our help? How can we so readily open our home to the dangers that they may bring upon us? Why would be put ourselves in that position again?"

There was a long silence and I hoped that my words were enough to put an end to this nonsense.

After a few minutes of silence Alice pulled away from me and sat up straight, her frail body turning to face me, her eyes burning a hole right through me."Because everyone deserves the chance to show the world what they're made of."

I was shocked. I was shocked that Alice had spoken up about the issue with so much conviction. But I was even more shocked by what she was saying. I had just assumed she would be against it. She was the one hurt the most by what happened.

"But why do we have to-"

"Why not us?" she cut me off. "If we are capable to help our fellow man and we turn them away, what makes you think that we will not be turned away in return?"

I dropped my head into my hands and groaned. My whole life we were taught that to help another is both a selfless and selfish action. Because to help another, you help yourself. You raise yourself up in the eyes of our Lord.

I had nothing else to say. There's was nothing else to say.

Once Alice had expressed her opinion, everyone gravitated toward the same decision. Because if Alice could put it all in the past and think of others so selflessly, then why couldn't the rest of us?

I wasn't thrilled about it. But my baby sister did make a good point.

.

"Already?" I asked around a mouthful of homemade macaroni and cheese. It was rude to talk with a mouth full of food, but I was caught off guard. We were all sitting at the table eating dinner when my mother made a startling announcement.

"I got a call today," she nodded, "There is a young girl in Washington who is in need of some guidance. Her name is Isabella Swan and she will be arriving in two weeks."

"You already said yes?" I asked. I was stunned. I knew we were trying to rebuild the family business, but... so soon? "We're not even close to finishing the barn, mom. Where will she stay?"

"Since we're only taking in one this time, I see no problem lending out the guest bedroom."

"She will be staying in... _here_?" I had to reign myself in. It wasn't my place to question my parents or their decisions but this all seemed like a disaster waiting to happen. It was too soon. Way too soon. Why could no else see this?

"Yes, she will be," my father interjected, sending me a scathing look. I cast my eyes down to my plate. I stabbed at my chicken, cutting it into tiny bits. I wasn't hungry anymore.

My mother reached over and put her hand on mine to still it. "I understand your concern, Edward. And I know you mean well, but this girl needs a place to go. If we don't take her then they will have no choice but to send her to a juvenile detention center."

I couldn't see how that would be a bad thing. But I refrained some saying so. I wondered what she could have done. If she was dangerous. But before I could ask, and possibly earn another scathing look for my rudeness, my tactless brother intervened.

"What did she do?" he asked, seemingly unfazed by the entire situation. Emmett didn't let much get to him. At least he never showed that anything got to him. But I knew him inside and out and I knew that this whole thing made him angry. And scared.

"That's private, Emmett. I know you have better manners than that," mom admonished. He pursed his lips and there was a fire in his eyes. I could tell he wanted to say something but would rather bite out his own tongue before he dared disrespect our mother.

The matter wasn't discussed anymore than that. We all set about getting ready for the arrival of our guest. We worked on the barn, finished school, and soon enough summer break was upon us and Emmett was coming home. He flew in every other weekend, so it was like he never really left in the first place, but it would be nice to have him home on a semi-permanent basis. He informed us that his girlfriend would be coming at some point to meet the family. My mother was so excited she looked like she was going to burst.

I didn't have a girlfriend. I didn't want one. I needed to focus on school. I was going to be entering my last year of high school and I didn't want any distractions from my work, both in and out of school. I got teased about it a lot and called some less than respectable names by my classmates, but it didn't bother me. Much.

.

I walked next to Alice, carrying the buckets of feed. It was early morning and we were getting our chores done. I was supposed to be helping with the barn but I needed to talk to my little sister.

"So," I started as she threw seed into the chicken coop. She looked over at me with a raised brow and I had a feeling she knew why I was following her around. "Isabella will be arriving tomorrow."

"I know." Her shoulders stiffened and she turned to face me. She reached out and put her tiny hand on my arm. "You need to relax and stop worrying so much about me."

"That will never happen," I told her seriously. "You're my baby sister and I love you and I never want to see you hurt. Ever again."

"I love you, too," she smiled then shook her head. "If it makes you feel any better I promise to not get too close to her. I will keep a respectable distance and feel out the situation. But, this what I'm _not_ going to do, Edward," her hand tightened on my arm and her expressive eyes shone brightly as they stared into my own, "I am not going to spend the rest of my life fearing every new person that I come across. I am not going to pass judgment on them before I even get a chance to know them. What happened, happened and it can't be taken back. The best thing I can do for myself, and the best thing _you_ can do for me, is to let it go. Never forget, but let your heart forgive."

"It's not that easy," I admitted. "How are you so okay with all of this?"

She dropped the seed bag she was holding and pulled me into a hug. I was still carrying around the buckets so I nuzzled her head with my own. When she pulled away, she held onto my shoulders.

"Because," she breathed, " _'For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.'_ "

Of course she had to quote the Bible to me. My faith was strong, stronger than most. But it was shaken. My sister was so much stronger than I could ever hope to be.

I let out a shaky breath. How could my little sister be so wise? So forgiving? I had a hard time with it though it was taught to us all growing up. Forgiveness is divine. But I learned that some things were unforgivable. I didn't say that though. I just nodded my head and helped her finish feeding the animals then ran off to help with the barn before I got into trouble.

.

My father and I were laying down the foundation for our summer project while Emmett sawed the planks into a platform. We were making good time, working tirelessly to get the barn finished before the end of summer. I was against it, but I would not slow us down. When I worked at something, I worked hard. The sun was harsh on my back and sweat trickled down my face and neck. We had already squared off the area and set in the cement and were smoothing it down and rising it in the right places. It wasn't easy work and my back, though strong from years of hard labor, was feeling the excess of work we had been doing.

I grunted when I stood up and wiped the sweat from my forehead with the back of my hand. I was about to grab a water when I heard a car in the distance.

"Is it that time already?" Emmett asked coming to stand next to me, both of us straining to see the driveway. It was too far to make out anything but shapes. Emmett leaned in close to me and whispered, "I feel like the theme song to _Jaws_ should be playing right now."

My sentiments exactly. It was finally time for our guest to arrive. Our home was abuzz with nervous energy all week. It had been so long since we invited anyone into our lives. And I knew whether she wanted to admit it or not, that my mother was just as nervous as the rest of us.

The day had finally arrived and I had to suck it up and deal.

"You guys gonna stand around and let me do all the work?" dad called to us jokingly.

We got back to work and it felt like only minutes had passed when Emmett announced that he was calling it a day. He didn't wait for a response as he threw his hammer down and charged full speed toward the house yelling that he was starving to death.

I looked to my father and I could feel the desperation on my face. I wasn't ready to meet her. I didn't want to judge her. I didn't even know what she had done, but I couldn't stop myself from expecting the worst. My father turned his kind eyes to me and threw his arm around my shoulders, squeezing me to him in comfort.

"Everything will be fine, son. You need to give her a chance. I want you to go in there and be the kind and charming man that you've always proved to be."

I nodded my head. "I will. But... can we work a little more first? I need to prepare myself."

He checked his watch and then smiled. "For you, son, I will risk the wrath of your mother."

We cut it pretty close only having enough time to quickly rinse our hands in the bathroom sink. My mother did not look too pleased with us when we walked in, but we weren't exactly late so I knew she would let it slide. This one time. After my father gave her a kiss, I bent down and placed one on her cheek. It was hokey, but my mother deserved to know she was appreciated.

I could feel the new presence in the room, but I avoided her as long as I could. I needed to give myself a pep talk and remind myself that she is not at fault for what happened. That was someone else.

I took a deep breath and turned to her.

 _Damn..._ Did I just curse? Even in my mind, that was just not me. But... wow. She was stunning. She had slight bruising on her face, darker close to the hairline and I wondered what happened. I quickly gathered myself so as not to be rude and make her uncomfortable by gawking.

"Hello, Isabella. I'm Edward. It's a pleasure to meet you."

She stared at me, her mouth hanging open slightly and her eyes glazed. Was something wrong with her? She looked ill.

I asked her if she was alright and she shook her head, blinking rapidly as if pulling herself out of a daze. I couldn't help but laugh when she asked me if I was alright. She just looked so adorably confused.

 _Adorably confused?_ I never ever used that word to describe a lady before in my life. _Adorable..._

I was mesmerized by the flush of color to her cheeks when I touched her hand in greeting. Her hand was so small and soft. I quickly dropped it before any inappropriate thoughts forced their way into my brain. I was being so rude and I wasn't even meaning to. She wasn't much of a talker. She spent most of lunch staring down at her plate moving her food around, only taking a few bites.

I hoped my mother wouldn't chastise her for wasting food. She looked so lost and... sad. God, she looked so lost. I caught her peek up at me a few times, that pretty pink filling her face every time. Her long dark brown hair kept falling into her eyes and she would tuck it behind her ear. She was so delicate looking. She didn't seem like a bad kid. She didn't exude rebellious tendencies as much of the other ones had.

I found myself wondering again what she could have done to get herself in so much trouble. But not for the same reasons as before. I wasn't worried about what she could do to us. This time I was curious about what that tiny timid creature could have done because she didn't look like she could hurt a fly.

But, as they say, you cannot judge a book by its cover. I was dying to read her pages.

* * *

 **A/n: Okay I am really nervous about this chapter. Please let me know what you think of it. Should I write more of Epov?**


	5. The First Day

**A/n: We can just forget I said anything about Sundays. The chapters will come when they're ready. I'm getting them done a lot quicker than planned. This chapter got way too long so I broke into three separate parts. Here's the first. I'm editing the second now.**

 **Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and she is brilliant.**

* * *

 **Chapter 5: The First Day**

 _Beep._

 _Beep._

 _Beep._

I really wished that my days would stop starting out this way. I swung my arm in the direction of the annoying sound. I knew it was there somewhere. I couldn't pry my eyes open. I was so tired. I didn't want to move.

When I finally fell asleep, the digital clock on the nightstand had read _3:32._ In the freaking morning! I couldn't. I just couldn't get up. And I couldn't find that pesky alarm clock. My hand swung frantically feeling around.

 _God! Where is it?!_

After a few failed attempts, the beeping finally stopped. I know I didn't do it. Maybe it had a timed snooze that went off every five minutes. That would be great. Save me from some of the work. I sighed and snuggled back into the plush pillow and pulled the blanket over my head.

Just five more minutes.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

"Oh, my God!" I threw the blanket off of me and nearly fell on my face trying to get off the bed and to the other side of the room. I was dizzy from the quick movements and ended up falling into the dresser, landing unceremoniously on my side.

I groaned and looked up when I heard someone laugh. Emmett stood in the doorway of my little space, his hulking body covering almost the whole door frame. He was holding that offensive alarm clock in his hand, all wide smiles and shining eyes and dimpled on display. He looked positively too cheerful for this ungodly hour.

"Hello, tiny person," he chuckled. "Have I caught you at a bad time?" His eyes widened in mock innocence.

I dropped mt face into the carpet and grumbles, "What the fuck, dude."

"Hey, don't let my mom hear you talking like that. Crappy mouths get crappy work."

I lifted my head from the floor and glared at him. He still looked far too damn happy. Chipper, even. It was messing with me. I was not a morning person. At all. And I rightfully distrusted anyone who was.

I chose to ignore his teasing.

"What time is it now?" I asked, stifling a yawn.

"Time for you to get up before my mom storms in here with a bucket of ice water."

"Lovely."

My first few attempts to lift my tired body off of the floor were down right laughable. And to prove that point, Emmett was doubled over in silent hysterics.

"This is so not funny," I whined, giving up and sprawling out.

"Here," he sighed finally sobering up. He held his hand out to me and I took it. He lifted me up like I weighed less than a feather, practically flinging me across the room with one hand.

"Thanks," I mumbled, only slightly sarcastic, when I found my footing.

"No problem," he smiled then his eyes looked me up and down. "We're gonna need to pack some extra meat on your little bones. I mean no disrespect," he quickly amended when I raised my eyebrow in question, "I just mean a little waif like yourself might not be able to keep up with the demanding work load here."

"I have a fast metabolism." I felt the need to defend my 'waif-ish' self. "And what about Alice? She's smaller than me."

The smile on his face faltered slightly, before he shook his head and plastered it back on.

"Well, you best get dressed," he said looking down at the clock and effectively changing the subject. The smile on his face grew wider, turning mischievous when he turned the clock toward me. _5:30._ "No time for a shower."

I finally got Emmett out of my room. He was pretty cool, laid back, and kind. But damn, was he annoying as hell. I could only handle him in small doses.

I was starting work today. I didn't know what I would be doing exactly so I was unsure of what to wear. I had a feeling skinny jeans would be a bad idea. I could just imagine how they would stick to me in the humid Kentucky sun. I searched the dresser for something more 'worky'. I'd never worked a day in my life, let alone on a farm.

What do they wear? Overalls like in the movies? I didn't see any overalls in the dresser, nor did I see one person have a pair on yesterday. Okay, no overalls.

I finally just settled on a light gray t-shirt and and loose fitting shapeless jeans I found in the dresser. I strapped my trusty green belt around my hips, holding the slightly too big jeans in place. There was also a pair of tan lace up boots next to the dresser that I figured were for me so I slipped them on.

By the time I brushed my teeth, washed my face and threw my hair up into a messy bun, it was already _5:50._

"You're late," Esme chastised when I hurriedly sat down at the table. I was sitting next to Emmett again with Edward across from me. I kept my eyes down on my plate of bacon, eggs and toast. I couldn't look at that beautiful angel of a boy without my brain going haywire.

"I'm sorry. I had a difficult time waking up this morning." That was the truth. The truth wasn't that hard to tell. I just had to keep doing it. Sans sarcasm. That would undoubtedly end up being the hard part.

Esme sighed and I peeked up at her. She had a small smile playing on her lips. "It's fine, Bella. Just don't let it happen again. You better start eating."

I took a sip of my milk, which was the best milk I had ever tasted, and picked at my food. I was never really hungry all that much these days. My stomach constantly felt like it was in knots. Food just irritated it. I ate what I could to avoid starving to death, the rest I just pushed around my plate.

I looked around the Cullen family table. They all seemed so awake and alive for this early in the morning. None of them had bags or dark circles under their eyes, they sat with their backs straight and hummed over their plate of food with polite enthusiasm. No one glared. No one made any snide comments. No one tipped over the orange juice or the table in frustration. It was so different from where I came from. I felt a tightening in my chest. I didn't know what it was.

A swelling deep in my chest that grew with every beat of my heart.

I grasped my chest and it didn't go unnoticed. "You alright there, little one?" Emmett asked, his hand coming to rest lightly on my shoulder. I looked up into his concerned eyes and then to those around me. Everyone was watching.

"I'm fine," I choked, shocked by the ball lodged in my throat. I couldn't understand my body's reaction. I cleared my throat trying to dislodge the ball there. "I think I'm just tired."

That wasn't necessarily a lie. It could have just been exhaustion. It was plausible. And it was the only thing that made sense at the moment.

I'm just tired.

With a few more assurances to my well being, everyone went back to their breakfast, chatting about their lives and their plans and joking around with each other. They were a real family. A real family that seemed to care about each other.

The swelling in my chest grew and I rubbed at it, willing it to go down.

After breakfast, Emmett and Edward cleared the table and took care of the cleanup. I was still avoiding looking at Edward. He made my mind fuzzy. I was never the kind to crush on a boy. I had thought that boys were cute of course and discussed whose butt looked best in _Supernatural_ with my friends, but this was different. He made me feel different.

I chalked it up to him being well over the line of average. He had a perfect combination of his mother's and father's features; Carlisle's green eyes and Esme's beautifully unique color of hair.

I tossed thoughts of Edward from my head. I had no right to think of him like that. He was sweet and kind and I was poison. A plague. Besides, my new life purpose was to tip the karmic balance back to an even empty-full. My life and Angela's. Obsessing over a cute boy wasn't an option.

I followed Esme around the pens after breakfast and we fed the animals together; chickens, cows, pigs. Horses were off limits. We talked a little, mostly about the goings on of the farm and how to properly feed the chickens and to avoid the roosters. I learned that they didn't slaughter the animals on the farm, but they did sell them and their produce off.

I was warned not to form a bond with them. Their existence on the farm was temporary, as were their lives. That thought made me sad but it was just the way of the world. The circle of life. I mean, I was no vegetarian, so I couldn't judge just because I was so close to where it happened now. At least I didn't have to kill them myself. That comforted me slightly.

Esme took me on a rushed tour of the farm, which was so much bigger than it appeared. My legs were killing me after walking around. We hadn't even covered the entire area and I was out of breath. I still had a few hours of work left. I wasn't sure how much longer, but I had used the bathroom once before we started and already had to go again. So I deduced that we had been out for only an hour and half. Maybe less.

"Alright," Esme grunted as she stood up with the last heavy bucket of slop. She poured its contents into a long metal barrel looking thing in the pig pen. "Let's head over to the garden. You have some plants to fertilize."

"I do?" I asked, panicking. I didn't know how to fertilize a plant. I wasn't even sure what fertilizing a plant meant.

Esme chuckled and wrapped her arm around my shoulders, dragging me along with her. "Don't worry, hun. Alice will walk you through it."

Great. Alice. The one person who seemed most uncomfortable around me. I said as much to Esme to which she tightened her arm around me and shook her head.

"Don't take it personally. I'm sure she will warm up to you. She's not too good with strangers anymore."

I looked at Esme and wanted to comment on that. Especially the _anymore_ part but I figured that would be rude. Rude was usually my main setting but I reminded myself that the old Bella was left back in Forks, Washington. Buried under the large Oak.

I had to be different here. I had to be someone else. I had to reset the balance. If I kept saying it then maybe it would mean something and make a difference.

It felt like it took an hour to get to the garden with how heavy my legs felt and the fire in my chest, but it was probably only five minutes. I was just terribly out of shape. I had never noticed before. I was skinny, yeah, but frail as well. The most working out I ever did was lifting shots of whatever alcohol was in front of me to my mouth. And my mouth was the only part of me that ever ran. Emmett was right.

Alice was sitting to the side of the garden scooping a dark brown substance from a barrel with her gloved hands, depositing it into a large bag. I didn't know what the stuff was but the closer I got to it the worse it smelled.

Alice looked up at us, the brim of her round hat shadowing her eyes. "Hi," she said softly, granting me with the tiniest of smiles before going back to digging in that awful mush.

"Hey, baby. Bella is going to help you in the garden today. I have to make a run to the market." Esme pushed me in front of her. "Make sure you show her what to do and maybe you girls can finish early today."

Alice didn't talk much. Even when she was showing me what to do with smelly compost. She just whispered instructions and gave me an example of what to do and then left me to my own devices. I was to start on the other side of the garden, which was massive – easily half a freaking mile – and we were to meet somewhere in the middle.

I was given thick gloves that made my hands sweat, a similar hat to Alice's and a bag of compost of my very own. I could barely see Alice when I made it to the other side of the garden but I could tell she was going a lot quick than myself. I was on my third plant. I grabbed half a handful from the bag and spread it around the soil, digging my fingers in slightly and pushing the offensive sludge down. I was told not to do it too hard, nor too soft.

I'd hoped I was doing it right and not completely ruining the garden with my inexperience. That was new for me. I wanted to do a good job. For someone else. New Bella.

The sun was beaming down on me and I cursed myself for not bringing any sunblock. I hadn't realized how hot it would be or how bright and sunny it would be in Kentucky. Even the summers in Forks were overcast most of the time so I was pretty pale. I never had a real tan in my life. The sun here was going to destroy me. I understood the purpose of the hat now, but it wasn't much of a help for the rest of my body. I could feel my skin heating up and starting to burn. It felt stiff when I moved.

I glanced over at Alice again. She was already close to the middle and I was only on my tenth plant, fifty or so more to go. I groaned and tried to hurry it up a little. I didn't want her doing my portion of the work because I was a slow ass. It seemed like a simple enough job when I started but if you factor it all the kneeling, standing and bending, and my lack of strength, it was hell on earth. My back was killing me, my knees were sore from bending and unbending and my neck was so damn stiff. I just wanted to stop.

 _Alice is better at this than me. I should just let her finish up._

 _No. I can't do that._

 _I mean, I could..._

 _But that would completely defeat the purpose of New Bella._

 _That's the point._

"How's it going?" I was pulled from my inner turmoil by a soft voice close behind me. I stopped patting the soil and forced my sore body to turn around.

I fell back on my behind when I seen who was standing there. His bright smile made my heart skip a beat. "Oh. H-hi, Edward. Umm, it's going fine."

He crouched down next to me, the muscles under tight white wife-beater stretching and flexing from the movement. I tried not to stare. But it was just so hard.

His muscles were so hard...

"Here," he said and handed me a bottle of water. "Thought you could use a refreshment."

I whispered a quiet 'thank you' and took the proffered bottle from his hands. I avoided his touch and his eyes. I couldn't be getting lost in a boy, no matter how cute he was. Cute didn't even begin to describe him, but I digress. I chugged half of the bottle before I remembered that I needed to breathe.

Edward chuckled next to me. "Yeah, I though you'd be thirsty. You're allowed to take breaks, you know? Use the restroom, get a drink, relax. So long as the work gets done before lunch."

I could feel my face heating up and it wasn't from the sun. I wished I could come up with the proper adjectives to properly describe his voice, but I was at a loss. I would just have to settle with the best descriptor I could think of; _Gah-damn!_

Is it possible to be physically attracted to a voice? Like, is that a thing?

"I should be heading back," he sighed after a long silence and stood up. His tanned skin was wet with sweat and glistened in the sunlight. I tried not to drool... too much. I think I lost that battle when he looked down at me again. His eyes were so green and framed beautifully by thick dark brown lashes. And his smile was mesmerizing.

"Take it easy, Bella. You're doing just fine."

It took me a few minutes to gather myself; my thoughts, my fluttering heart after Edward walked away from me. There was something so damn soothing yet chaos inducing about that boy. I wondered if crushes always felt like that. I wouldn't know.

 _I shouldn't even be contemplating a crush._

I sighed. I really shouldn't. I had no right to entertain frivolous things like that. I couldn't be that person. As in I couldn't be a person at all anymore. I needed to have a one track mind and that track was squaring out my bad juju. I needed to take on this new life of sobriety and hard work. I needed to make it right.

Edward Cullen would be better off without my infatuation anyway. I'm a fucking tornado and all around me needed to seek cover. The best thing I could do for everyone was to keep to myself as much as possible.

.

"Why do you think that?" Irina asked, her pen hovering over her pad of paper.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Because it's true?"

It was my first therapy session and it was going... well. I supposed it was going just fine, all things considered. She didn't ask too many intrusive questions, and when I would plead the fifth on some of them, she would nod and move on.

She scribbled on her pad of paper then looked back up at me, her gaze intense and questioning. I looked down at my rough nail beds and picked at them some more.

"Is it because of the wreck that you think everyone should stay away from you for their own good? You want to live in a cocoon of solitude because of that mistake?"

I stiffened in my seat. I could feel the tears welling behind my eyes. We hadn't discussed the real reason I was here, though I had figured she knew. The therapy was court ordered. Of course she knew.

"I don't think stealing my friend's car keys and driving drunk can be considered a mistake."

Again, she nodded. "What would you call it then?"

What would I call it? That's a loaded fucking question if I ever heard one. What _would_ I call it? Mistake wasn't working for me. It made it seem like I was a victim in this and I just wasn't. I did it. I was at fault.

"A choice," I decided. "I made a choice. I knew what I was doing. I was doing something bad. That's why I did it. That's what I do. I find something awful to do and then do whatever means necessary to get what I want."

More scribbling. More nodding. More gazing. God, this was uncomfortable. How could I talk to a complete stranger when I didn't even want to talk about it with myself?

"Why do you think you do that? Why do you lean toward chaos?"

I snorted. It was unintentional but it happened. I covered my mouth and spoke through my fingers. "Because I'm an asshole."

"Do you truly view yourself that way?"

"Yes. I do."

She hummed and wrote something down. "Why do you feel that way about yourself, Isabella?"

My eyes rolled of their accord. "If you're asking me if something tragic happened in my childhood to turn me into such a schmuck then I'd have to say you're wasting your time. Nothing happened. I was just born this way. I'm a jerk. Always have been."

She opened her mouth to say something but the timer went off. I jumped from the plush velvet chair and said goodbye.

It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I hated every second of it, but I didn't freak out or step out of line. I'd label that a win. I could feel Old Bella stirring inside of me during the session, begging to break free and share a piece of her mind with the nice lady with the fountain pen. But New Bella came out triumphant. And I, the shell that holds them both, was paying the price of my sins.

Sister Karma better be watching.

* * *

 **A/n: Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it.**


	6. The Game

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and she is brilliant.**

* * *

 **Chapter 6: The Game**

My therapy sessions were in Bowling Green, a buzzing little city full of flea markets, one mall, and fast food restaurants galore. It was a 35 minute drive from BoMark. Esme was silent on the drive back to the farm which I appreciated. She didn't ask about my appointment. She didn't pry.

I enjoyed her quiet company. A companionable silence that didn't need to be filled with pointless jabber. I spent a lot of my life talking – mostly out of my ass. It was nice to just be left with my thoughts while in the company of another. I could delve in and seek answers from myself, think of everything that had happened in my life and not worry about falling into the endless abyss of self-hate and regret because I knew someone was there with me.

An anchor, whether they knew it or not.

It was just after 3 o'clock when we got back. The whole Cullen clan were all sitting around casually eating from a bowl of pretzels and talking and laughing. Even Alice. I was surprised to see her usually stiff shoulders relaxed and shaking with her laughter. Her smile was wide and beautiful and so carefree as she sat between her two brothers on the sofa.

Carlisle was the first to notice our presence. He stood up and walked over, giving me a genuine smile, green eyes twinkling mischievously as he grabbed Esme around the waist and blew a raspberry on her cheek. She giggled, her face flushing crimson and pushed him away. I looked away from the show of affection and caught Edward staring at me. He quickly looked down at the pretzel in his hand, twisting it and examining it like it was the most fascinating thing in the world.

That was weird.

"Alright," Esme clapped her hands together, gaining the attention of the room, "Who's ready for some fun?"

"I was born ready!" Emmett jumped up and barreled toward the front door, dragging Alice behind him like a rag doll. She didn't seem to mind, giggling and stumbling trying to keep up with his long strides. Esme and Carlisle followed after them, hand in hand.

I wasn't sure what to do. I knew my schedule. It was family time. I had been dreading it. I was left to my own devices my first day and was excused from this... event. And now that I was expected to participate, I could feel my hands clam up with anxiety. The whole idea of 'family time' was foreign to me. And honestly, it made me feel weird. Bad weird. I didn't want to do it.

But I had to do it.

"You alright?"

I jumped, startled by his voice. I had forgotten Edward was still there. I turned to him. He stood by the couch, his hands stuffed into his jean pockets and his bushy eyebrows pulled down in confusion... or was that concern?

"You know, you ask me that a lot," I pointed out, avoiding his question.

He let out a breathy laugh and turned his eyes to the floor. "You always look like you're ready to bolt. Or vomit."

"I'm not going to bolt." I couldn't make any promises about the vomiting. I was feeling pretty sick to my stomach.

He looked up at me and flashed me that crooked grin that made my insides twist and fold. "Glad to hear it." He took a step toward me, hands still tucked in his jeans as he gestured with his elbow to the door.

"You ready?"

 _Not even close._

"Let's go."

 **EPOV**

We all gathered in a large patch of land on the side of the house and watched as my mother and father set up the volleyball net.

Family time was a treasured event in the household. With our hectic schedules of work, chores, school, and maintaining the farm, we never really a chance to just hang out as a unit. So a few years ago, my mother and father cut a couple hours of our 'farm time' and implemented 'family time'. It was a welcome change and I, as well as the rest of my family, looked forward to it everyday.

We would tell ghost stories, have a bonfire, play board games, go swimming in the creek, or just go for a nice drive. Together. One of our favorite things to do, though, was play a sport. Any sport. We used to love playing football the most but had to stop because Emmett tended to get a little too 'ruff and tuff'. I had the x-ray of my broken arm hanging on my bedroom wall to prove it.

For Bella's first day participating in family time, we decided that volleyball would be the safest bet. Because who doesn't like volleyball? It's fun, you played with a team, and no one got hurt... unless a spiked ball got out of hand.

As I looked over at Bella, I started to think that maybe volleyball wasn't the best idea. She watched my parents set up the net with wide eyes, her hands wringing together roughly, and I could have sworn I heard whispered curses spilling from her mouth.

I wanted to go and ask her if she was alright, but as she pointed out to me just a moment ago, I asked that question a lot. I couldn't help it. She just looked so lost and scared sometimes that I wanted to reassure her that everything would be okay. I didn't know for sure that things would be okay, but I felt compelled to tell her anyway. I wanted to reach out and smooth that apprehensive wrinkle on her forehead that seemed to be a permanent etching on her skin. I _literally_ had to bind hands down in my jean pockets to keep from doing so. Bella had awoken something inside of me that I didn't quite understand, but I wanted to explore it nevertheless.

It didn't feel like a bad thing. New? Yes. Strange? Very. But not bad.

I walked over to her and noted that she had pulled her plump bottom lip between her teeth. Her lip was turning white from the pressure and I was afraid she was going bite it right off.

"You don't like volleyball?"

There. That's better than asking if she is alright.

Her eyes glanced at me for only a moment before turning back to the setup. "I don't... play."

"Volleyball?"

"I don't play sports."

"Oh... you don't like them?"

"They don't like me."

"I don't get it," I admitted.

"And you don't want it. Trust me." She looked at my, I'm sure, flabbergasted expression and sighed, rolling her eyes. "I'm clumsy. A total klutz. I can't even walk in a straight line without tipping over. I've fallen down the stairs almost every day since I learned how to walk."

I rolled my eyes. There's no way anyone is that clumsy and I expressed my opinion to her to which she replied with a resolute, "Just watch."

It didn't take long for Bella to prove me wrong. We set up in teams. My dad and Alice were on mine facing off against the others. We had been playing for all of five minutes and Bella had already gotten hit in the face, legs, and stomach at least six times... _each_. We didn't mean to hit her, of course, but every time the ball came near her, her lanky arms would flail around and miss. She was like a spastic monkey tripping over her two left feet.

But she was persistent.

She never ran from the ball and when it hit her, she would brush it off and keep going. It was a sight to see. I could tell my family tried their hardest not to laugh at her, but most of us were failing in that endeavor. After the ball hit her a seventh time, whacking her right on the side of the head, Emmett couldn't stand it anymore and fell to the ground, his loud guffaws surely scaring the cows a few yards over. And after that it was like the domino effect. Emmett tipped, then my father, Alice, my mother, and then me.

I fell to my knees and looked up at Bella. She stood still with her arms crossed over chest and her eyes narrowed. She was biting her lip again.

"I'm... sorry... I..." I couldn't stop. I couldn't even apologize. I held my hands out to her, palms up, hoping that she would understand that we weren't making fun of her. We had just never seen anything like that and it was too hard to hold in.

Bella pursed her lips and looked down at the ground, her boot toeing the grass and kicking lightly and a patch of dirt there. Her shoulders started to shake.

 _Is she crying?_

Slowly our laughs came to a close and my mother ran over to Bella and wrapped her arms around her. She apologized and Bella looked up.

She was smiling. She was laughing. She was beautiful...

"I told you I sucked!" she yelled through her giggles, her eyes resting on me with a _'I told you so'_ glint.

All I could do was smile at her. I didn't dare speak through the lump in my throat. Seeing Bella so happy and carefree and smiling and eyes shining... it was something else. I didn't know how to explain it, but it was addicting and I wanted to see it more often.

I spent most of the rest of the game in a daze, trying to keep my eyes off of her and focus. Emmett had taken to protecting her from the ball. While it had been amusing to watch her stumble and flail around, we weren't cruel people. We had a laugh at her expense, though we didn't mean to, and now it was over.

When it was time to stop, everyone was a sweaty happy mess. I wasn't sure who won. I didn't care.

We started packing up when Emmett told us to hang on.

"I wanna try something!" he announced. He ran at Bella and she squealed as barreled into her, grabbing her around the knees and hoisting her onto his shoulders. "Let's see your reflexes when you're not worrying about falling over those little legs. Ed!" he looked at me with a grin. "Toss the ball!"

Bella was still smiling when I looked at her. She nodded her head, exhilaration lighting her face. I tossed the ball straight up and watched as she spiked it back down with ease. She raised her arms above her head with a triumphant, "YES!"

I had never been so enthralled by a scene in my life and I wasn't sure how I should feel about that.

.

Our first family time with Bella had been a success. So much so that I couldn't stop smiling like a fool while I laid on my bed. I stared up at the ceiling fan above my bed and played it all out in my head. Over and over again. I didn't know why Bella was sent here but I couldn't imagine that she had done something that awful. I just couldn't see it. She was so sweet and had the smile of an angel and the laugh of a thousand bells and no I wasn't dense enough to not realize that I was smitten.

I couldn't help it.

She took my breath away with that smile and then revived me with one look from those wide chocolate brown eyes. I couldn't describe the feelings stirring inside of me because I had never felt them before.

I was spending my 'me' time – much the same as 'family' time, just alone – thinking about a girl that not so long ago I viewed as a threat. But she wasn't a threat. I didn't think so. I made a rash judgment and while I never voiced my previous opinion to her, I still felt bad about it.

She's just a girl. A sweet, beautiful klutz.

I sat up and rubbed my hands down my face. I looked over at my keyboard sitting in the corner of my room. Usually I would be playing it during this time. I had done so every night for the past six years. I could even feel a melody burning deep inside of me. But I couldn't focus on it.

 _Bella_.

That's all I could think about. I wondered what she chose to do with her free time. I wanted to know. And I couldn't stop myself from going to find out. We were allowed to do whatever we wanted with our allotted time. We could hang out alone or together – whatever.

I wanted to see what Bella was doing. No harm in that.

My parents always spent this time alone. Together. Locked in their room. I crept passed their door, the floorboard squeaking only slightly and then took the stairs three at a time until I was on the main floor and right outside Bella's room. I didn't want my parents to know I was going to see her. They wouldn't have minded so long as we kept the door open and I stayed off her bed, but I didn't want to deal with all the questions that I couldn't answer.

Or questions I didn't want to answer.

I took a deep breath and leaned in to knock, but a noise behind the door stopped me. It almost sounded like a... whimper? But that couldn't be. She was just happy and smiling a few minutes ago. I leaned in closer, my ear almost touching the door. It was rude to eavesdrop. I knew that. But what if she's hurt? Maybe she got hit worse than she led on.

" _...sorry... so sorry... stupid … Angela..."_ I could only make out every other word, the rest a mumbled, jumbled mess of pained sobs that ripped me to my core. I hated it. I hated hearing her so sad. Even worse, I hated that I couldn't help.

I wouldn't intrude on her private moment. Though it was killing me not to go in there and try to comfort her the I could. That wasn't my place.

I jumped away from the door as quickly and quietly as I could and bounded back up stairs before I was caught listening. I could feel the tears straining behind my eyes, threatening to fall, and I couldn't figure out why her pain pained me.

She sounded so... _broken._ It hurt to hear her like that.

I wanted to help her. Not like what my mom did to help the other people that came here. Not the youth rehabilitation that churns and burns all the hate and anger from you until you can function properly in the real world. No, that's not what I wanted to help her with. I wanted to help her stop being sad. But how do you do that when you have no idea why that person is so torn up? It would be rude to ask her. It's none of my business.

But I wanted to know.

I huffed and fell back on my bed, my fingers reaching up to tug at my roots – a habit brought on by frustration. I glanced at my keyboard. The more I thought about Bella, the stronger and louder than melody inside of me grew.

 _Maybe I can play for a while._

* * *

 **A/n: I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It was lighter and shorter than the others. But, don't worry. There is a storm brewing. Stay tuned and please let me know what you think!**


	7. The Burn of Understanding

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.**

* * *

 **Chapter 7: The Burn of Understanding**

The days passed slowly. Every second felt like a minute. Every minute felt like an hour. And the days? The days felt like they would never end. Things were different after that first day when I let myself go. Let myself forget. If only for a moment, I had forgotten. I stopped thinking about it. About her. I put it all out of my mind and actually dared to enjoy myself. And I had. I had so much fun. I got to see a new side to the Cullen's. I got to see them as a family; letting loose and having fun. And I loved it. I was pulled in by it. I wanted so badly to be apart of it that I had allowed myself to forget.

It didn't last long.

As soon as I spiked that ball down from atop Emmett's shoulders, I could feel the pride swelling in me as everyone cheered. I cheered for myself in turn. I was happy. And as soon as that thought passed through me, _her_ face snapped into focus. Her contagious smile. Her bright, shining, trusting eyes. Those beautiful features suddenly morphing, changing into swollen split lips, dark purple puffed out eyes that refused to open. It felt like a hard punch to the gut, knocking the wind straight out of me.

When Emmett lowered me to the ground, I almost collapsed right there from the pressure of my own thoughts. I could feel the tears in my eyes and the back of throat. I had muttered something about needing to use the restroom and didn't wait for a response as I quickly made my way back inside, stumbling and holding my chest together with the palm of my shaking hand.

That image that my mind conjured up was a warning. I knew that. I knew all too well what happened when I had fun. It was only a matter of time before that fun turned into venomous tragedy and I couldn't let that happen.

Not to them.

So, after that day, I kept a distance. A polite, 'hello, good morning' here and there and then a 'Goodnight' at the end of the day. Nothing more needed to be said. No words needed to be exchanged. The Cullen's, they're a sweet breed of people, devote in God, servants of the Lord, and all around generous, kindhearted, _worthy_ people. And while they tried to get me to participate in conversation and fun family time, I just couldn't.

I wouldn't.

And after a while, they stopped trying.

Because they were worthy people and I was not. Not even close. I thought that maybe they could sense that. They no longer tried to get me to be apart of the normalcy that was a simple conversation. They just let me go about my day as I had been. I followed the schedule to a T and made no complaints. I woke up on time, ate breakfast with the family, did my work, went to therapy and sat by and watched them have fun.

It was the right thing to do and I felt that maybe they knew it deep down inside.

Esme didn't try as hard to get me to be apart of the fun anymore. Emmett stopped coming into my room in the morning. Alice talked to me even less than before. Carlisle was kind and courteous but standoffish.

Edward however... he didn't give up. He tried endlessly to get me to smile. To get me to laugh. It was like a self-imposed mission for him to get me to show an interest outside of what was required of me.

It took everything I had inside of me to send him away. But he always came back. The boy was a boomerang hellbent on slapping me in the face with some happy. I didn't understand why it meant so much to him and why he refused to give up. And I wasn't sure how to feel about it.

I stood up from the garden. The tomatoes were the first to bloom. They were green and leafy and I had never seen a tomato like that. I thought they were defective. I was the one who took care of them, so it was definitely a possibility.

Alice was on the other side of the garden, our usual stance. She was setting down the mulch between her plants. I had actually already finished my part. I was quick these days. We were expecting some rain and apparently the mulch would help save the soil from too much damage. I hadn't asked, but Esme told me anyway. I never asked questions. I just did as I was told. And I was surprisingly good at following orders.

 _Who knew?_

I walked out of the garden and headed back toward the house. I was halfway there when I heard my name being called from the distance.

I rolled my eyes and sighed. Here it comes.

"Yes, Edward?" I stopped walking but didn't turn.

He bounded up to me with a grin, his hands stuffed down into his jean pockets once again. "Okay. What do you get from a pampered cow?"

"I don't know, what?"

He bit his lip in a vain attempt to hold back his amusement. "Spoiled milk!"

"Funny," I deadpanned and kept walking to the house. Edward turned around and skipped to my side, his smile never faltering.

For the past week he had been coming up to me with some inane joke that he read in the newspaper or that Emmett had told him. Sometimes they were funny. But I never laughed. I couldn't. I just didn't have it in me anymore.

Edward, undeterred and as persistent as ever, cleared his throat. "You finished early today."

And then comes the polite conversation. He would try to engage me and I would ' _hmm_ ' and ' _yep_ ' my way through it. Truth is, I really enjoyed talking to Edward. He was so sweet and patient and _determined_. Even his lame jokes were welcome.

I just couldn't.

I couldn't let him in to my world no matter how hard he tried to break down my walls.

And, boy, did he try. He never asked me anything too personal; favorite color, favorite flower, favorite food. He was really interested in knowing my favorite everything. He would back off when he noticed my irritation. Push when I gave way. The boy wanted to know me. I didn't want him to know me. Because if he found out he would look at me differently. If he got a glimpse of the real me, he would avoid me at all costs.

And while I didn't want to get close to him, I didn't want him to go away either. I gave him just enough to keep him coming back while still holding him an arms length away. It was selfish, I knew that. And that's exactly what I didn't want to be. But there were some mornings I would wake up and just want to quit. Stay in bed. Tell everyone to fuck off and revert to Old Bella. But then I would walk into the kitchen and he would give me that crooked smile that set my soul on fire and I would be rejuvenated.

He looked at me like I wasn't horrible.

And that wasn't so horrible...

Edward walked with me to the house and turned to me when reached the front porch steps. His emerald eyes twinkling down at me.

"We're going to the lake today."

"It's supposed to rain."

He smiled. "That's the best time to go."

.

Irina stared at me, her pen hanging from her fingers. Her lips were pressed into a thin line. It was our eighth meeting and she was trying to get me to talk about what happened. Every time she would ask, I would tell her that I didn't want to talk about it. She would tell me that it was fine and we could talk about it when I was ready. Yet she brought it up. _Every. Damn. Time._

So, I snapped. I didn't mean to do it. Old Bella reared her ugly head and told Old Bella to take a seat before turning to the nice doctor with a vengeance.

"I told you it's none of your fucking business. Are you dense? What don't you understand about that? It. is. None. Of. Your. Business! So mind it. You sit here in your cushy office with your damned diplomas nailed to the wall, like you're something special? You went to college, I get it! But you obviously skipped the course on how to shut the fuck up!"

My breaths came out in loud, heavy pants of pent up rage. The tears streamed down my cheeks and my heart was beating so fast I thought it was going to explode. I lowered myself back down into the chair and looked across the small space.

"Do you feel better?" she asked. There was no emotion on her face. She wasn't scared by my outburst. She wasn't upset. She didn't even looked shocked. She was neutral.

"I'm sorry." My voice was barely a whisper. I dropped my head to my knees, grabbing the back of my head.

"God, I'm sorry." I kept repeating it until it meant nothing. They were just words. Words couldn't take back the damage I had caused. I could say those words until my throat closed up and it wouldn't make a damned bit of difference.

Sorry was a word. And it meant nothing.

"Don't be sorry," her voice broke through my pointless mantra. "Look at me, Bella."

I lifted my bleary eyes to hers and sat back up. Like I said. I am good at following instructions.

"Don't be sorry. Be better. Do better. And before you know it, things _will_ get better."

I shook my head. That was a lie. Things couldn't get better. "Angela... what I did... it was... and I can't..." I struggled to find the right words but there was nothing I could say. I didn't even know how Angela was doing. I wasn't allowed to check on her. I wasn't even allowed to call my parents. They had to call me. And they hadn't.

For all I knew, Angela was dead. And it was my fault. So how the hell could things get better?

I sighed, dropping my head against the back of the chair, my eyes turned to the ceiling. "I'm a bad person and I deserve to suffer. Things shouldn't get better for me."

"You've made bad choices. You're not a bad person. A bad person wouldn't be punishing themselves like this. You carry that night around with you every second of every day and you always will. You know why?"

I lifted my shoulders in a semi-shrug, still not meeting her gaze that I could searing into my skin.

"Because you're a good person who made a series of bad choices. That's why you can't overcome this one. It had repercussions on someone else, not just you. And it's driving you insane with guilt. But never letting yourself have a moment of peace isn't helping anyone. You need to _work_ through this if you ever want to _get_ through this."

"Maybe I don't want to get through it."

"Your friend wasn't the only one hurt that night, Bella. And if you can't heal yourself, then how can she be expected to?"

My eyes met hers finally and I could feel myself vibrating with the need to hit something, push something over, destroy something. I forced Old Bella back down as I felt her venomous words salivating at my lips. Irina took notice and leaned back in her chair, pen to paper once again.

"How about a change in subject?"

I only nodded. I didn't trust myself to speak. I felt like I was on the edge.

"Can we revisit a previous topic?"

I took a deep breath, calming myself, or trying to at least. I didn't answer until I was sure that I had myself in check. "Depends on what that topic is."

"Your parents... or better yet, your upbringing."

"...Okay?"

I wasn't comfortable with that either. But it beat the alternative. I looked up at the clock. We still had forty minutes left. I wasn't adverse to sitting in silence, but Irina always felt the need to fill it with. And I'd prefer we steered clear of a certain subject.

"How is your relationship with your parents?"

Here we go again. "Normal, I guess."

"What is your idea of normal?"

I considered that for a moment. I always thought that my relationship with my parents was normal. Typical. But then I thought about Esme with her kids, and I was suddenly not so sure.

"I don't know how to answer that," I admitted finally.

"Did you bake cookies with your mother?"

I snorted. The thought of my mother baking anything, let alone with me was laughable.

Irina nodded, scribbled, and then went on. "Okay... how about shopping?"

"Sometimes."

"Did you enjoy shopping with your mother?"

"Not really. It would always end in a fight."

"What would you fight about?"

"The clothes I picked. The clothes she picked. We could never agree on anything. She likes dresses and heels and I prefer jeans and my chucks."

"Can you recall a time that you were with your mother and it didn't end in a fight?"

I shook my head. I tried to wrack my brain for one, just one civil conversation I had with my mother. The harder I thought about it, the more clear it became that, no. I couldn't recall a time that we were in within the same vicinity and not screaming or cursing and knocking things over in an attempt to get the upper hand. Out-bitch the other.

Irina leaned forward, her elbows on her knees, her notepad and pen all but forgotten next to her. "Do you love your mother, Bella?"

"Of course I do." What a dumb question. We may not have the best relationship but she's still my mother. How could I not love her?

She nodded. "Do you like her?"

I paused, my lips forming the 'yes' that echoed in my head. Did I like her? Are you supposed to like your mother?

 _Esme_.

I thought about how all of her children would greet her with a kiss and hug and always had a smile ready for her at the table. They would thank her for cooking. Alice would curl up with her on the couch. Emmett would tease her and test her and she would stand firm but smile at him. Edward, he adored that woman. When he wasn't working or holed up in his room for 'me' time, he would be at her side while she cooked and talk to her about his day. Ask her about hers. Esme was a good mom. And her kids loved her. That much was obvious. And they must have liked her because they always wanted to be around her.

I didn't like being around my mom. I used to try, but she never really wanted me there and had no qualms about telling me to fuck off and get out of her face.

 _Do I like my mother?_

"I guess not," I admitted and I felt like an asshole for saying it. I couldn't fathom why. I knew my mother wasn't fond of me in return, but to say it out loud that I didn't like her? That was... unpleasant. It hurt to say.

Irina nodded, her thin blond eyebrows pulled down in a frown. "I'm sure that was hard for you to admit. But I think we're finally getting somewhere."

"Yeah?" I challenged with a cocked brow. "And where would that be?"

Undeterred by my tone, she rested her steely gaze on me as she slowly sat back in her chair, grabbing her notepad and pen.

"To the root of you, Bella."

.

I sat with my back to Esme on the ride home, my head resting on the window and my eyes cast toward the sky, watching the dark storm clouds gather and roll over.

Esme surprised me by speaking, her voice barely above a whisper. "Will you be joining us at the lake?"

"Do I have a choice?" I bumped my head on the window and closed my eyes. "I'm sorry... I just mean, we all have to go, right?"

"Yes. We all have to go. I was just curious if you were going to participate this time?"

"I can't swim." It wasn't a lie.

"There's shallow water there."

"But it's going to rain."

"Only for about an hour. It will be enough to flood the lake over and make the water a comfortable temperature and a nice breeze. Then we're going to set up the bonfire. The kids love it. We always have a lot of fun. Maybe you will, too."

I doubted it but I kept my mouth shut. It seemed to have a mind of its own today.

.

The rain poured down heavily pinging off the truck as we made our way to the lake. I sat between Edward and Esme in the cab of the truck. Alice, Carlisle, and Emmett took the jeep. Esme had suggested that the girls all ride together but Edward quickly put that notion to rest by jumping into the truck after me and buckling himself in.

Just as Esme had predicted, the downfall only lasted an hour and by the time it stopped, we were setting up for a night of swimming and bonfires.

I played with the strap of the deep blue bathing suit – a one piece – that Esme had purchased for me. It was a little small and digging into my shoulders. I pulled the hem of my white t-shirt down, feeling uncomfortable. I felt exposed. My pale chicken legs shining under the sun. While my face and arms and chest had gotten some sun, my lower half was completely untouched.

 _A farmer's tan. Lovely._

I sat on one of the fold out chairs and brought my legs up, pulling the shirt down and over them. Makeshift modest.

Emmett was already splashing around in the water and trying to drown a laughing, gasping Edward. I tried very hard not to notice the defined muscles of his arms and legs, the six pack that led to a deep V into his red trunks. Or that tuft of hair just below his bellybutton that also led... _there_.

I tried, at least.

"Emmett!" Esme ran to the edge of the lake, her hands on her hips. "You let him up right now!"

Emmett was floating a little too steadily in the water and looking way too innocent. He suddenly fell back, his legs kicking in the air as Edward reemerged from the depths of the water, gasping and flailing about.

He turned to Emmett and pushed him. "You sat on my head!"

"I know what I did!" he yelled, grabbing Edward by the neck and pushing his face back under. "And I'll do it again," he laughed.

Esme walked back over to the rest of us shaking her head. "Go out there and supervise," she told Carlisle. "You know how Emmett gets."

Carlisle chuckled and dropped the wood he was holding into the pit. He ripped his shirt off and ran to the water. He, too, was a beautiful specimen. All the men of the Cullen clan were sights to be seen. I kept my eyes down, so I wouldn't get caught ogling.

"Do you want to go in the water?" Esme asked as she sat next to me, popping open a water bottle.

I shook my head, tugging on the shirt that was already stretched to hell. I clasped my fingers over my bare feet and laid my head on my knees. I looked at her. "I'm okay here."

She nodded, her eyes finding Alice a few feet away. She had more clothes on than I did. She laid on her stomach on a colorful beach towel, her nose in a book. "Alice, honey, do you want to go in the water?"

Alice's head popped up, her eyes wide. She looked between me and her mother, her eyes conveying a secret message that only Esme seemed to understand.

"It's okay, sweetie. It's just Bella."

I lifted my head and scrunched my face in confusion.

 _What the hell is that supposed to mean?_

"You love the water. Come on," Esme urged, standing up and walking over to her. She touched her arm and whispered something I couldn't hear. Alice sighed and nodded. She stood up with the help of her mother and removed the jeans she was wearing. Then her t-shirt.

My eyes widened of their accord, my mouth falling open before I had enough sense to slam it shut. Neither Alice or Esme were paying any attention to me and for that I was glad. I couldn't help my reaction.

She was skinny. Really skinny. I could see every bone jutting out, but that wasn't what caused me to gasp and cover my mouth in shock. The left side of Alice's body, from knee cap all the way to her collar bone, was a blanket of dark pink, almost red, jagged burns. Like someone had taken a hot curling iron and ran it all over her.

I dropped my eyes to the tops of my knees. I didn't want to stare. She was obviously uncomfortable removing her clothes in front me and I didn't want to make it worse. I turned my eyes to the lake, watching the boys dunk their father, and that scarred little girl sit in the shallow waters, laughing as her mother kicked water at her.

They seemed a normal, happy, functional, together family. But as I watched the sun gleam off of Alice's scars, I realized that while they may be all of those things, there were skeletons in their closets and tragedy in their pasts.

There was more to their story than what they allowed to be seen. They weren't perfect and they were allowing me a glimpse of that. Without a full thought to my shell shocked brain, I stood from the chair, pulled my shirt off and waded into the water. Into their world.

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 **Please review and let me know what you think. Your reviews make this so much more enjoyable!**


	8. The Calm

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.**

 **Thank you to everyone who has recommended this fic! SunflowerFran from Pay It Forward on FB, gabby1017, and Tarbecca from ADifferentForest. I really appreciate it.**

* * *

 **Chapter 8: The Calm**

There was a shift in the atmosphere. A change in the winds. Things felt different. I felt different. More than I had just a few hours ago, less than I had a few minutes ago. I was bopping and weaving between thoughts of this and memories of that and just being in the moment.

It was... confusing.

It was... nice.

It was everything and nothing and I couldn't figure out how I felt about it. Not in its entirety. I wasn't searching for the big picture. I was living in the moment with these people and realizing that not everything is cut and dry. Not everything is black and white. Things are wet, hot, gray, and so full of wonderment and regret and possibilities.

I didn't have to let go of the past, but I could push it back and laugh and swim and show these kind people that their efforts weren't for naught. I could feel how I felt and think what I thought while still being there.

Present.

In the moment.

Alive.

Everyone has a past, a story, a reason for being who they are. I know mine and that's what I focused on. I never really stopped and learned. I never gave a second thought about others or what they may be going though.

I was selfish. I probably still am. But I'm not alone. That thought brought a warmness to my heart that I couldn't even begin to comprehend. The family that took me in weren't just some religious country folk with a penchant for churning and burning out acceptable citizens. They were real. They breathed life and suffered tragedies and put their brave faces on in the mornings.

The least I could do, was the same.

Alice brought me the most clarity. She was scarred, marred, and scared for anyone to see it. But she allowed me to sneak a peek and see her for who she is. Not who she was. And if she could that, then so could I.

It was both liberating and terrifying. Unknown and familiar.

It was this and it was that and I was there and so were they and that's what I focused on. For the time being. It was easier to just let it all in while blocking it all out.

Like I said. Confusing. But it worked.

I kept pace with Emmett, sticking to his side like glue as we swam further out into the lake. Edward trailed behind us with Alice on his back. She was laughing and grabbing fistfuls of his thick hair between her fingers, urging him to pick up his speed and catch up. For the life of me, I could not swim. But I felt safe doggy paddling my way next to Emmett with our arms linked. He did most of the work. I was pretty much being dragged through the water, wilingly.

Esme and Carlisle were floating just a few feet away from us, smiles high and shining as we rushed to get to them first. I could feel Edward, his hands brushing against my leg every few strokes. I may or may not have gone under the first time he touched me.

He made me dizzy.

I wasn't hating it.

"C'mon, Edward!" Alice giggled, her standoffish behavior all but a memory at this point.

She was fun, actually. Energized and glowing in the sun. It was easy to ignore the scars and burns when that smile graced her porcelain skin, lifting and pulling her features into something lively and animated. Her beauty was unmatched in those moments that she wasn't so aware of herself and closed in. And when she finally smiled at me, directly... I felt for just a moment that maybe I belonged. Maybe not with them, but in the world itself.

I hadn't felt that way in... well, to be honest, I don't think I've ever felt that way.

Emmett's large arms and brute strength plowing through the water kept us in the lead, but Edward's lithe body sliced through effortlessly, keeping him on our backs and when we were just inches from the end goal, he popped up next to me and I caught his smug smirk and Alice's pink tongue poking out for just a second before Edward propelled them to their victory.

Emmett nearly drowned me in his temper tantrum, but quickly got a hold of himself and allowed me to float back up. That boy was all impulse. Sweet, but a bit crazy. And slightly off putting. He was quickly becoming one of my new favorite people.

Once we were all safely back on the hot sand and gathered around the fire pit, Esme pulled out the graham crackers, chocolate and over sized marshmallows. Carlisle handed each of us a long pointed skewer that looked like a torture device. I was meticulous in my movements, setting the marshmallow at the tip, avoiding the deathtrap at the end.

To my surprise, Alice sat down next to me, sharing my beach towel, her body angled toward me and as far from the flames as she could get. She had put her shirt back on but left her jeans off. Up close, I could see the extent of the burns on her leg. It was a jagged, harsh patch of pink and puckered shiny flesh that traveled in a constant stream from the top of her thigh to just above her knee, smaller less frequent patches down the rest of her leg to her ankle.

I looked away before she could catch me staring.

I smiled at her when she asked me to help her stick the marshmallow atop the skewer and she actually smiled back at me. She was loosening up around me.

I didn't hate it.

Her arm slowly reached out extending the skewer to the flickering flames, her head contradicting her movements and pulling further back. She was wary of the flames, that much was obvious, but she did not run from them. She held her ground, however timidly, and stared straight into the fire, her green eyes holding a determined glint.

That's when I realized I was sitting next to a strong young woman with an even stronger will. One who wouldn't let the flames of the past envelope her and turn her to ash.

That's when I realized I was sitting next to a survivor.

I caught a glimpse of Edward through the flames, his green eyes blazing and staring. His marshmallow was charcoal black and he made no move to take it out of the fire. His lips were parted, a small smile tugging. My cheeks prickled with heat and I looked down at my lap.

He was doing that a lot today. Staring. Watching. I felt like I was under constant scrutiny, but somehow I didn't feel judged by his eyes. I didn't know how I felt, honestly. I just knew whatever it was, wasn't bad. At all.

I bit my lip to keep the smile away. He made me feel weird. Good weird. Every caress of his eyes was like a tickle in my tummy and a lump in my throat. New. Different. Not entirely unwelcome.

Our eyes played cat and mouse for most of the night. I would stare at him, caught up in his boyish good looks, and masculine frame. He would catch me looking and try to hold my gaze, but I always dropped my eyes. Obviously I was the mouse in this game.

The biggest surprise of the night was when Alice, covered in chocolate and sticky marshmallow poked me in the side. I looked down at her and she smiled shyly.

"Is that your real hair color?" Her eyes roamed the messy wind dried ponytail on my head.

It took me a moment to respond. I was happy she was talking to me so openly and without another person to buffer. I didn't want to ruin it. I kinda had a thing about that. As, I always ruin it.

"Nah. It's close to it, but I darkened it a little."

There. A normal response to a normal question. No bitchy, unnecessary sarcasm. I gave myself a mental pat on the back.

"Oh. It's real pretty. My mama wont let me dye my hair." Her lips jutted into a pout as she played with the ends of her hair, pulling and dropping them.

Edward, once again, found my eyes through the flame and I distractedly responded to Alice. "Your mom is a bit of a hard ass."

Her gasp resounded around me and I looked at her wide eyed.

 _Oh, crap._

Her hand covered her mouth, her own eyes mirroring mine.

"Oh, shit... I mean, crap... ah, damn, fuck, I didn't mean to say... I mean, shit, Alice..." Was I having a stroke? I tried to get my whispered curses to stop spewing from my mouth like word vomit, but the more I tried to rectify the situation, the worse I made it.

Finally, Alice took her hand off her mouth and clapped it over mine. She looked around the circle at everyone who was busy in their own conversation, then set her eyes back on me and leaned in closer, her lips pulling into a small smile.

"That's what my dad says," she whisper-giggled. She brought her other hand to her own mouth and lifted her index finger to her lips.

"Don't tell my mom."

Crisis averted. I let out a heavy breath and Alice giggled again, patting me on the leg.

I smiled under her hand and nodded. She pulled her hand back, the smile on her face pulling higher as she played with the hem of her shirt. Her lip pulled between her teeth. She was silent for a moment before looking down and away from me.

"Thank you, Bella."

"For what?"

Her voice dropped so low I had to lean in and strain to hear it. "For not making me feel like a freak show."

We didn't stay long after that, the drizzle of rain interrupting the still summer night. We packed up quickly and headed back home. I couldn't stop the smile when Alice insisted on riding with me and Esme. Or when Edward sulked over to the jeep and Emmett pushed him in by the scruff of his neck.

...

We all sat around the table, all of us famished from swimming. The s' mores did nothing to ebb the hunger. The Cullen's were not dinner people. At first that surprised me, their whole days were pretty much centered together in one way or another. But I guess that was the reason. During 'me' time, you could eat if you wanted to, but it wasn't a rule. Tonight though, we decided to make 'me' time, we time, none of ready for the night to come to an end. We laughed and talked and ate chips and dip and my face hurt from smiling so much.

Emmett gushed on and on about his girlfriend, Rosalie. He was so exited for her to come and meet everyone that his face was turning an unnatural shade of puce from not taking a breath between fawning and bragging about his girl.

It was cute.

"You'll love her, Ma! She's smart and sweet and beautiful and generous and she always brushes her teeth after eating and..."

I chuckled and tuned him out. I had a feeling he wasn't anywhere near done and while I enjoyed his enthusiasm, he was making my head spin with all the new information. She wasn't due to come for another two weeks, but I felt like I knew her already with his constant praises.

 _I hope that girl knows how lucky she is._

I caught Edward's eyes and smile once again. He sat across from me, his eyes darting from me to Emmett and back again. I hunched lower in my chair, the heat of his stare making me restless. He didn't even seem to mind being caught. Every time our eyes would connect he would just smile wider, a blush staining his tanned cheeks, but he wouldn't look away. I wasn't quite sure what was going on with him, or me. I just knew that it felt pretty good and I didn't want it to stop.

The phone rang, cutting off Emmett's detailed description of Rosalie's brother and pro baseball player, Phil. Apparently he ran out of things to talk about concerning her exclusively and moved onto the accomplishments of her kin.

Esme patted him on the shoulder with a smile and got up to grab the phone in the living room.

"Dip?" Edward asked. He was sitting right next me, pushing the sour cream and onion dip over to me. I hadn't even realized he had wormed his way to my side of the table. I shook my head at him and smiled. I was suddenly not hungry. His close proximity filling my stomach with butterflies.

"Chip?" He scooted the bowl of plain ruffles over to me. Again, I shook my head.

He pursed his lips, smiling slightly. His eyebrows furrowed. "Your turn."

"Huh? My turn for what?"

"To talk. I know you know how," he joked, that crooked smirk playing at the edge of his mouth. His hand scooted closer to mine on the table, inching forward while I inched mine back.

"I am talking to you," I pointed out.

He rolled his eyes. "You give me the minimum and then brush me off. If you don't feel like talking to me, say so. But don't make me prattle on like a dork just for you to nod your head and walk away."

 _Oh..._ I guess he did notice what I was doing. I didn't mean to make him feel like a dork. But I also knew what I was doing. Allowing him to speak to me and giving him very little verbal in turn. Just so he will stick around. Continue to be that little spec of hope that keeps me going. With a smile and few nice words he could make forget, if only for a moment.

"I'm sorry." What else could I say? I was sorry. I meant it.

He frowned a little. That inching hand pulling away and falling to his lap. "So, I'm right? You don't want to talk to me?"

I sighed and looked over at the other side of the table. Alice and Emmett were listening to something Carlisle was saying, their mouths hanging open, completely engrossed. I turned back to Edward and leaned in.

"The problem isn't that I don't want to talk to you, Edward. Trust me on that."

The problem is exactly the opposite. And a whole lot of other crap that I didn't want to get into. But he was right. Just because he made me feel a little better didn't mean I could use him.

His frown deepened and his lips parted to speak, but whatever he was going to say was cut off by Esme clearing her throat. We turned our heads to see her standing inside the arch, the phone held between her two hands and a crinkle between her brows.

"Bella, the phone is for you."

"For me?"

Who would call me? The only people permitted to call me are my parents and I knew they never would, unless...

 _Unless..._

"Wh-who is it?" I already knew.

"It's your mother."

I felt all the air rush from my body. A sickening sense of dread starting in my belly and webbing out through my body, making every limb feel heavy and sprained. I could feel Edward's hand on my arm but I shook it off, pulling my body up from the chair. It felt like I weighed fives times more than just a second ago.

I had wanted my mother to call. But I knew that she wouldn't unless it was with news. And my mother was never one to deliver _good_ news.

I finally made my way to Esme and she handed me the phone. Her worried eyes watching my every slow movement.

I walked to the living room and sat on Carlisle's recliner. I pulled in a shaky breath as I brought the phone to my ear.

"Mom?"

* * *

 **I hope you're all still enjoying this and please leave a review if you are. I want to know what everyone thinks.**


	9. The Mist

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.**

* * *

 **Chapter 9: The Mist**

 **Edward**

Everything was going so well. She was smiling, laughing, having a great time. It was a welcome change to her usual standoffish, brusque demeanor. The sun had shone so brightly today, cleansing her aura from the darkness she carried around. We could all see it. We all felt the shift in the atmospheric pull that is Isabella Swan.

She wore the roughness of her edges like an invisible wound, a marker for who she was, is, and will be. I've come to learn that she is an open book with blank pages. Her story, whatever it may be, is still being edited, not yet ready for eyes or minds to tear it apart. But, today, I felt like we were taking the right steps in cracking through her hard shell.

Her smile was genuine, not forced.

Bubbly.

Kind.

Effervescent.

She was coming undone right before my eyes and I was loving it. Every second of it. I didn't even mind my little sister when she hopped in the truck to sit next to her – well, not too much. Bella was so sweet to her. I could see the shock on Bella's face as she looked at her scars. That shock fading into sadness, and then blowing out to complete understanding. Not one piece of her face showed any horror, disgust, or forced politeness.

Like, with others.

I knew my sister could see it too. And she couldn't have been more relaxed with her war wounds on full display. It made my heart soar and my interest in the new, rough edged girl to grow even more. And I didn't attempt try to hide it. I let my eyes find hers every chance I got. I was feeling things I never contemplated before. And when she opened up at the lake and let that new side of her show – that free, kind, caring, fun side – I knew exactly what those feelings were and what they meant.

My crush was becoming a full blown addiction. I would do anything to see her smile, even just a tiny lift her lips sent my pulse racing. I told stupid jokes, the more ridiculous they were, the brighter and more genuine her smile became. At the lake, I didn't have to try so hard. And when we came home and sat around the table; eating, laughing, enjoying, I could just sit back and watch her unfold and ease into our life little by little.

Then the phone rang.

Bella's reaction when my mother came back to the kitchen, phone in hand, was one I couldn't understand. The color left her face, her lips parting in slack jawed shock. When she lifted herself from the chair to stand it seemed as if her body was rebelling against her. She slowly took the phone and held it to her heart as she made her way to the living room without a backward glance. I craned my neck to watch her go. I looked down sheepishly when my mother caught me and gave me a disapproving glare.

I wanted to know what had her so... petrified? I wanted to know what she was feeling and why she was feeling it so I could help her. Make her feel better. Do anything. But my mother reminded me with just one look that it was none of my business, no matter how much I wanted it to be.

My family was suddenly tense, straining conversation. Our carefree time all but forgotten as we worried about the girl in the other room. Her strong reaction to that phone call did not go unnoticed, by anyone.

We sat making small talk and nibbling on chips and dip, none of us really here or there, our attentions scattered from one room to another. I didn't know about the rest of them, but I perked my ears up and tried to listen to the other room. It was an invasion of privacy but there was this part of me that just wanted to be there. For her. With her. And that part of me was foregoing all manners taught to me growing up.

After what felt like forever, I heard the muffled slam of Bella's door. She didn't come back. Eventually, the family scattered to their respective rooms, turning in for the night. My mother warned us all to leave Bella alone. If she wanted to talk to someone, she would. And if she wanted company, she wouldn't have gone to her room to be alone.

I agreed but I didn't like it.

* * *

It was late when I finally made it up to my room. Music sheets scattered around my keyboard reminded me of my project. The melody still flowing through my veins took a darker turn than before. I couldn't sleep, too much on my mind, so I sat at my instrument with that strange melody inside of me and played it out from my fingertips until I couldn't anymore.

"Bella!" My smile hurt my cheeks when I finally caught sight of her. She had done a great job of evading me after breakfast, but I finally found her, turning out of the bathroom and wiping her hands on her jeans.

She jumped back a little, her face pulling up in surprise. Her chocolate eyes seemed dull somehow. She kept them down all through breakfast, so I hadn't noticed. Now that I was face to face with her, I could see something. There was a weariness, a desolateness, a slump in her shoulders and blankness to her face.

The joke I planned on telling halted at my lips and I took an unconscious step toward her, my hands held out, palms up.

"How are you?"

She brought her hand to her mouth, distractedly pulling at her bottom lip. Her eyes focused on the floor. "I'm fine."

Her voice held no inflection, emotionless as her face. I bent at the knees and dipped my head, trying to connect with her eyes. "You don't seem fine."

"I am," she insisted, her voice hardening slightly.

"Bella –"

"Edward, please..."

"I just want to know if you're –"

"Don't ask me that," she hissed, warning in her hunched and rigid posture.

"But –"

"I said I'm fine!" Her blazing eyes finally lifted to meet mine. I staggered back, the venom in her voice like a hard slap to my face. She shook her head, her jaw flexing as she grit her teeth. "Just leave me alone."

She pushed passed me and I let her. I watched her go, her head angled to the floor, her shoulders up to her ears, she entered the kitchen and sat down without looking up.

 _What just happened?_

I made my way to the kitchen where my family and Bella were already gathered around the table for lunch. I sat where I always did, across from Bella. I didn't smile at her this time and she didn't look up as she always had. Her body was still closed in on itself, her face paler than usual.

"Bella's tomatoes are coming in nicely," Alice interjected the silence. She smiled at Bella, who returned it with a closed lipped smile bordering on a grimace. Alice's face fell, her eyes wide and searching.

She had bonded with Bella yesterday, in a way that she hadn't allowed herself to with anyone outside the family in so long. The sting of her rejection was written all over my little sister's face as she bent her neck and dropped her head close to the sandwich on her plate.

My mother, not one to mince words, cleared her throat. "Bella, is there a problem?"

Bella shook her head, her fingers ripping the crust off her sandwich.

My mom tapped her fingers heavily on the table, her lips pursing and her eyes narrowing. I knew that look. That was the look of determined nose in business. The look of tactless fact finding. I couldn't tell what the look on Bella's face meant, but I could feel a swirling deep down inside of me that told me that this wouldn't be a pleasant meal. For anyone.

"Bella, it's rude not to make eye contact when someone is speaking to you," she continued, her body angling toward Bella. "I asked you a question. Is there a problem?"

Bella sighed, her hands raising to her head, her fingers grabbing at both sides of her hair. She said nothing, just shook her head, her eyes trained on the deformed sandwich in front of her. Everyone was quiet, save for the heavy quick breaths leaving Bella in rapid little spurts.

"Isabella," my mother pressed. "Look at me." Her tone was calm, her voice not rising, but her stance hardening and leaning in closer, over Emmett who sat between them.

Emmett leaned back, his face pinching with anxiety. He met my eyes across the table and I could see the trepidation there.

Our mother could be a tyrant. We were used to it. We grew up with it. We understood where she was coming from, could handle it. But it never really went over well with the teenagers sent here. She meant well, but her execution lacked to those on the outside.

Bella shook her head, her fingers grasping harder at her hair, a low humming noise coming from her throat.

It was quiet again, my mother staring Bella down while the rest of us watched on in apprehension. The silence dragged on until finally my mother's collected calm wore thin and her hand slammed down on the table.

"Look at me!"

Bella snapped her head up to look at my mother, her hands falling to the table, her fingers digging into the white cloth. Her eyes were fire, her lips tightened into a annoyed pout. She didn't say anything, just stared and I had never seen such a quiet hostility. Gone was the scared little girl with doe eyes and wandering looks of desperation. In her place was something I couldn't put my finger on, but it frightened me.

This was a different Bella and I wasn't sure I liked her very much. There was something so callous about the way she looked that made me feel like the girl I had a crush on was a figment of my own imagination.

My mother stood from her seat, her eyes unwavering. She towered over the table, over Bella. "Drop the attitude, missy. Whatever you got away with at home is not going to fly here. When you're under my roof, you respect my authority."

Bella huffed a humorless laugh, her mouth turning up in a sarcastic sneer. "Oh, you mean like your robot family who never speak out of turn, _Mommy Dearest_? Sorry, I haven't been programmed yet. Tell me where you sent your kids and husband for the brain cleansing and I'll get right on it."

"It's called respect and manners and it's taught, Isabella. Perhaps you could use a lesson."

Bella stood from her seat slowly, tossing the napkin from her lap to the table. She crossed her her arms over her chest and looked my mother in the eye. "You first."

"That's enough!" My father's chair screeched back as he stood. He walked over to my mother and wrapped his hand lightly around her elbow.

"Esme, you need to cool down before this goes any further." And with that he led her away, the stairs creaking underneath them as they made their way hastily to their bedroom.

Bella spun on her heel and left the kitchen, her bedroom door slamming shut, startling the silence.

"What just happened?" Emmett echoed my thoughts.

I sighed, sliding my fingers down my face. "Something bad."

Next to me, Alice nodded, her face pale with worry. "Mom was a little mean," she whispered meekly.

* * *

 **Bella**

"Bitch!" My scream was drowned out by the slam of my door.

My whole body was vibrating with an anger I couldn't grasp. The nerve of that woman. She thinks she's so perfect. Everyone should just bend to her will.

Well, she can go fuck herself.

I threw myself down on my bed, feathery downs pillowing around me. I pushed them away, knocking them to the floor. I just wanted to hit something. I wanted to destroy, hurt, scratch and claw. I wanted to get high and drunk and lock myself in my room back home for hours.

I wanted this all to be over.

I wanted to wake up from this never ending nightmare.

Everything was going fine. Everything was okay. I was adjusting to my new life comfortably. And then that bitch called me. Her voice alone brought me back to a place that seemed so far away now. To a different me, a different time. A different life. Half of me ached to go back where things were familiar, normal. Right. While the other knew that I was where I needed to be. Just. I felt like I was being pulled apart, my insides, my brains, all fighting for some semblance of right and wrong, then and now, who and what.

I didn't have any of the answers. I felt more confused than ever.

From one fucking phone call. I remembered it with perfect clarity, that short conversation etched into my mind and assaulting me with its truth.

" _Mom?"_

" _Hello, my sweet!"_

 _I gasped at the voice on the other end. "Jessica? What the hell?"_

 _She giggled. "Bella, girl! We miss you!"_

 _I took a deep breath in, out, and back in holding it there for a few moments. My frayed nerves and thumping head trying to wrap around the fact that it wasn't my mother on the other end. The news I had expected to hear, the devastating blow I was readying myself for... I let my breath out in a quick succession of whispered pleas._

" _How is she? How is Angela? Have you been in to see her? Is she okay? Jessica, is Angela okay? Jess?"_

" _Whoa, take a breath there, Bells. I thought you might want to know how she is doing and I figured your bitch of a mother wouldn't call to tell you – oh! By the way, your mom and dad went on vacation. They left for Florida yesterday, saying they needed to work on their marriage. Whatevs, right? So anyway, your mom hired me and my mom to look after your house; dust, grab the mail, keep it pristine and all that. There was a number and address on the fridge with your name on it, so I took a chance and –,"_

" _Jessica! Please," I was begging, my body slick with wet worry, my teeth trying to rip my bottom lip right off._

 _She sighed. "Angela is better, but not good. She's in and out of consciousness. I've only been to see her once when I heard she woke up the first time. And... it was too much. I couldn't go back. Her eyes were... they were like crossed and wonky and she kept moaning. Nurse Wendy told me that when she first woke up she tried to rip the feeding tubes from her stomach. They had to sedate her because she was going nuts. The odds of her pulling through have went up, but the odds are against her in other ways. She just hit her head too hard..."_

Angela wasn't Angela. And it was all my fault. She was alive, but that information did nothing to put my heart at ease. She was suffering, unaware, half there, not living, lying in a hospital bed in another state without hope. My heart squeezed in my chest, held in a painful vice-tight grip of regret and guilt and hate and I just needed some time to process that but Esme kept pushing me and pushing me and I just couldn't take it.

I couldn't handle all the thoughts, all the emotions, all the hate I felt inside. My hate wasn't for anyone but myself but hate is a vicious creature that unleashes itself upon all who cross it – growling, snarling, biting and venomous. Esme was not without fault, her prying and insensitive and misguided need for respect and authority.

But my hate wasn't for her. I was annoyed with her at the wrong time. She pushed me at the exact wrong time.

I felt bad but I felt just in my reaction. Esme was being a bitch and my heart and mind disentangled and snapped. My grip on myself, already loose since the phone call, let go with a mighty roar.

Old Bella came out with a bitch slap of reality. She may be buried in Forks, but her soul lingered inside of me and that was something I had to come to terms with. I couldn't be someone I was not. And after hearing about Angela and what she was going though, I realized that Old Bella was the only way New Bella would suffer the consequences justly.

I – me, every piece of me – deserved to go to hell.

"You're very quiet today," Irina pointed out.

I shrugged and brought my legs up to my chin, staring at the wall on the other side of the room. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to do anything.

"Did something happen?"

I didn't answer. I didn't move.

"We were making some progress in our last session and if we continue to take steps in the right direction then you don't have to keep seeing me everyday. We can schedule you a week out."

I didn't want to come here everyday. But I didn't want to talk either. So we're both shit out of luck. I tightened my lips and wrapped my arms around my knees.

Irina sighed and stood from her chair. She came to the deep burgundy ottoman near my feet and sat down. "Can you tell me what is bothering you?"

"You," I muttered, meeting her eyes briefly before looking away again.

She chuckled lowly. "I bet. But what else?"

When I didn't answer, she clicked her tongue and stood back up. She walked over to a red wood cabinet on the far wall and grabbed a bowl full of wrapped candy. She pulled out a red sucker and then held the bowl out to me. I shook my head. She popped the sucker in her mouth and set the bowl on the table next to me.

She sat back down on the ottoman and crossed her legs.

"Is it about the Cullen family? Is there something going on there that is upsetting you?"

I shook my head. I may have been pissed off at Esme, but I wasn't going to lump the whole family in and I couldn't tell her about my outburst earlier today without her questioning why I was so angry. And I was not in the mood. I didn't have the strength to talk about it yet.

"Well," she sighed and patted my knee as she stood up, "when you're ready to talk, I'm ready to listen."

The ride home was quiet and awkward. Carlisle opted to take me today. I didn't know where Esme was and I didn't care. I was just happy that she wasn't near me. But the car ride was thick with tension and unresolved issues. Carlisle was polite but I could see a burning in his eyes and feel the questions in the air around us. He kept glancing over at me and clearing his throat and shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

He didn't say anything, but silence could be deafening. While I had a great time yesterday at the lake with everyone, my little outburst had set us back. Back to the beginning. All the headway and progress made was shattered and I felt my welcome was wearing thin. They may not be so courteous anymore.

I wouldn't blame them and I wouldn't begrudge them their anger. I did say that they were all brainwashed robots and called their mother – and wife – mommy dearest. There was no coming back from that.

We pulled up to the house and I made a grab for the door handle. Carlisle stopped me with a hand on my arm.

"Esme would like for you to go change back into your work clothes from today and meet her out back."

I nodded my head without looking at home and got out of the truck.

I was actually kind of happy that I wasn't expected to partake in family time. I didn't care that I had to work some more.

I changed quickly and met Esme out back. She stood with a shovel in her hand, her body tensed and her eyes narrowed.

"Isabella," she greeted in a clipped tone.

I held my tongue and swallowed down the bitter words I felt forming in my mouth.

She turned around without another word. I stuck my hands in my jean pockets and followed her to a field of dull grass with large patches of dirt. It looked like a graveyard without the tombstones. She handed me the shovel and a pair of thick gray and black gloves and directed me to a fresh patch of untouched grass. She leaned close to me, her eyes still holding a fire in them.

"I like you, Bella," she said catching me off guard.

I opened my mouth to speak but she held her hand up and out to stop me. I didn't mind. I didn't know what I was going to say to that anyway.

"But you have a lot of growing to do. Your little display of teenage rebellion today did not amuse. It's not cute and I will not tolerate it in my home or around my family. When people are upset they talk about it, or they let the other person know that they are not ready and wish to be left alone. Outright ignoring that person and acting out isn't the way to go. I can understand you being angry with me. Perhaps I could have handled things differently and I am sorry for upsetting you. It wasn't my intent. And I am sure you did not intend to upset me either. But you were out of line and when my children, or the children who are brought here, decide that they want to step over lines and cause problems, I have no choice but to send them out and allow them to think about why they're here in the first place and to think about where they're going."

She gestured to the grass at my feet with a wave of her hand. "Digging clears your mind and gives you something tedious to work on while leaving you alone with your thoughts. I want you to think, Bella. Really think about your future. What do you want most in your life? Where do you want to be at the end of all of this? And until you have an answer for me, this is how you will spend your days, from beginning to end. Only taking a break to eat, bathe, use the bathroom, and sleep. Understood?"

I nodded my head distractedly, my mind lingering on one word.

 _Future._ Probably the scariest word in existence. A word of uncertainty. A hopeless void of a word. I hated it.

Esme left and I got to digging. She came back only once to set down a jug of water and then I was left alone with my thoughts. That was never a very good idea. I tended to get lost in them.

The word 'future' floated around in my head as I dug into the hard ground, grunting and tipping from the force it took to just get the shovel in and out.

The skies darkened, the rain clouds rolling in above me and I felt the first mists of the nights downpour. My future was an uncertainty, but it seemed that no matter where I went, I brought the rain with me.

* * *

A/n: Hope you all enjoyed. Let me know what you're all thinking so far!


	10. Not a Chapter

Okay, so I hit some major block with this story. My bad. It was not my intention to leave it there, unfinished. I don't like how it has turned out and am currently rewriting it right now. I will not be posting the new version until it is complete so that I can be sure it doesn't remain a WiP. I'm sorry for the people who enjoyed this story, I hate to disappoint. I will update this when the new version is ready.

I hope you all give it a chance.


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